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Need Direction - 1st post

MaroonaNew Contributor31 Dec 2014, 5:45 pm AEDT

Need Direction - 1st post

HI there,

My wife and I have an 18 year old diagnosed with Depression and 2014 has been a tough year.

He's been assesed at a Psych Ward and today has a support network of a GP and a Psychologist via his University.

He seems happier than he was 6 months ago, is playing tennis and socialising with his friends who have been just terrific.

As parents though, we struggle as he appears to be happy lying in bed and being totally engrossed in his laptop - it's as if he knows he needs to get moving but he just can't and accuses us of not understanding.

Any comments from other parents about support would be appreciated.

Looking forward to a better 2015.

3 replies

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In response to: Need Direction - 1st post

nigiocSenior Contributor31 Dec 2014, 7:32 pm AEDT

Re: Need Direction - 1st post

Hi @Maroona

Welcome to Sane! What a great time to start using the forums. The start of a brand new year. 🙂

Looking after an unwell child is such an enormous undertaking. It takes everything you've got. Which means that the more support you can access the better off you'll be. There's lots of great support to be accessed here in the forums. You'll find parents who have gone or are still going through stuff that's similar to yours. Lots of stories and experiences to share that you can use to help you navigate the tricky terrain. And of course, that unique feeling that comes from hearing from people who get what it's like to be in your shoes. 🙂

Self care is a huge part of keeping your head above water while you provide care to another. Check out the Looking After Ourselves forum here. All sorts of threads on the different things people do to make sure they're recharging their batteries..

Finally, as a parent who supported my eldest child through an HSC year that involved an anxiety disorder and an eating disorder, I relate to not knowing how hard to push. I opted for the gentle approach. Lots of encouragement to get out and do stuff but if she wasn't up for it, I let her be. TBH, I couldn't see the value in her undertaking an activity while completely miserable. She certainly got into all sorts of sports and hoobbies when she got better though.

But that was just me, I'm sure you'll hear from lots of other parents with their experiences.

Happy New Year!

In response to: Need Direction - 1st post

Alessandra1992Senior Contributor31 Dec 2014, 8:27 pm AEDT

Re: Need Direction - 1st post

Welcome @Maroona ,
As a consumer myself (a person with lived experience of mental health challenges), lying in bed was all I could do at times.
Anxiety's best friend is often depression and it is not a simple case of getting up. Motivation is dead, and it is as though you are lying in cement that is setting.
Frustrating though it may be to watch, it is not simply a matter of snapping out of it.
What helps though ( and I have worked with young people) is emphasising what is, rather than what isn't it. Your son will be giving himself a hard enough time anyway as he certainly didnt plan ob getting this challenge.
So when he goes to see any of his supports, friends, family, Dr, Shrink, Psych..let him know how proud you are of his efforts to get well.
When he joins you for a meal, thank him.
Seriously, this is hard work for him at this time..
There are lots of great books on mental health, recovery and specific diagnoses like anxiety or deoression.
There are also Carer Guides you can download that may help you, help your son, and each other..
My perennial favourite is Bev Aisbett, an Australian author who has written extensively on Anxiety, Living with It and and other titles..
Good luck and good on you for reaching out to other carers.
I am also a carer for my son, different issues but has also had anxiety..very tricky to not cajole or nag at times!

In response to: Need Direction - 1st post

LouiseSenior Contributor01 Jan 2015, 6:45 pm AEDT

Re: Need Direction - 1st post

Hi! I do hope you have a better 2015. It sounds as if your son has good support now and is improving. As a parent it is hard to know how much to encourage him to be more active. I have a 17 year old son who was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 Disorder in 2014. He is doing really well now but he also spends too many hours lying on his bed with his laptop!! TBH many teenagers with no MI issues have this kind of lifestyle these days, and there's a limited amount we can do about it. I am going to try to limit my own screentime, partly as an encouragement to my son, just as I join him in dieting (so that he won't gain too much weight due to medication) and planning exercise. And even though I'm getting too old to relish doing seasonal orchard work I've pulled the strings to get us picking cherries through January, just to encourage him. Anyway, best wishes

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