Newbie's Social Club - Come make some friends!

TW: mentions domestic violence and abuse

Thanks for having me. Someone from the CPTSD Australia page on fb recommended I join this when I was having a low day and posted in the group seeking support. I have CPTSD from an adverse childhood with an angry and deregulated father who dominated mum and us - in many ways he still does. And mum was never able to protect us from him - after 50 years they have merged into one dangerous parent. I love them but keep my boundaries for example I refuse to stay overnight with them and never allowed my children who are now adults to stay with dad. Instead, Mum would come to my place if I needed help. It is inescapable and has resulted in me being in DV and narcissist relationships my whole life.

The screwed up part is that I desperately miss him and our life and I’ve begged for him to forgive me for going to the police, but he ignores me and his family who I loved have shunned me. I’m nearly 50. I’m so tired of this.

My self esteem is shattered.

hey @ComplexPTSD, firstly - welcome to the forums!

i'm so so sorry to hear what you've gone through. experiencing abuse can really impact the way we see ourselves and others, and i'm so proud of you for reaching out here for support. you deserve to feel seen and heard.

boundaries are super important in protecting yourself and your kiddos, and i'm really glad to hear that you've used them with your parents.

sometimes we can't help but miss the people who have hurt us too. although those feelings are valid, it's our actions that help us heal. we can both miss someone and also know that they're not a safe person, and that we need to step away from them. you deserve to be treated with respect and love. trauma can make it hard for us to believe that, but with support and time, you will be able to believe it for yourself too.

1800RESPECT is a great resource for people who are experiencing/have experienced domestic violence and/or abuse. feel free to check them out too. we look forward to seeing you around the forums 💜

p.s. i've just added in a trigger warning and some spoiler tags, this is just so that those who are more vulnerable to certain content can choose whether or not they want to engage with the heavier bits. hope that's okay!

Hi I try to take each day as it comes

Thanks so much yes I saw you added the trigger warnings. I rang for support the morning after I was assaulted and degraded and they were the ones who urged me to go to the police. [edited by moderator] She said if I wanted DV support I needed a paper trail and this was the best way to get it. As a result of that he was arrested and charged on Christmas day, and without asking or telling me they put protective bail conditions in place and allowed him to return to our home leaving me homeless 2000km from my home, without a car (he ruined my car) and with no money. It has been horrendous and disempowering and I lost everything. [edited by moderator]

that sounds incredibly tough, and it sounds like there was some lack of communication from the police's end. i'm sorry they didn't mention the protective bail to you. @ComplexPTSD

my aunty is going through a DV case too, and i know from her experience, it's been really hard for her to get support and feel safe. she's made multiple police reports but then tried taking it back because she wanted to forgive him... but now she's accepted that he won't change and she's cut contact with him. the paper trail info that you mentioned is what's really helped her with her case, and if all goes well, hopefully she'll win her case. i will say that it took her a lot of time (and pain) to get to this point, i know it's not an easy journey.

do you have people you can lean for support in retrieving your things? if you are interested, there are other supports too such as:

• Safe Steps Family Violence Response Centre - 24/7 support for Victorians
• Domestic Violence Hotlines | Get Help | White Ribbon Australia - there's a financial counselling line there too that can hopefully provide you some support
• Ask Izzy - for support with a range of things from food, shelter, etc

sending you lots of love and strength for holding on and pushing through.

@Shaz51

Thanks - I am having a quite night in, I,m adjusting(if thats the right word) to being a part of an online community. I will get there and become more active.

Hoping you have a great night.

Thanks Again

Great to have you with us @GravelGrinder !

Quiet night in sounds great @GravelGrinder

Have you any furbabies xx

@Shaz51

Unfortunately no fur babies, I would like one, they are great conversation starters

@tyme

I will become more involved as time goes by, it won't take long. I'm enjoying the interactions.

However, I find it a bit daunting.