Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

2024

NemxaCasual Contributor11 Aug 2024, 7:19 pm AEST

2024

TW: death/SI

I don't know how to start but here goes.

Content/trigger warning

Jan 5th I lost my partner of 15 years found his body called 000 did what I could to bring him back than was left to watch as they worked to bring him back when they couldn't they left me in the lounge room with his body for 6 hours. I had to make the call to his mum n dad n tell them while I watched his body turn from normal to cold purple and swollen. When they cam e to take his body they left me with a booklet on dv he was never violent no r u okay just ok. Let's skip to the funeral home a month later I was charged extra for make-up as it wasn't something good to see him turn purple I go to do the final id of him n they ran out of time so I got to see him rotting as it had been a month so Feb 5th. Feb 14th I spent the day waiting for him to text or something his bday is Aug 5th spent the day thinking what do I do this year is fucked. April his dad evicted me n his sons dog out of the home we had to sell it and now they want to take me to court not for his things no they want money.

Now I'm homeless in 10grand debt for a funeral for the only person I've had the last 15 years. As for mental health services it's fucked called soo many free places they are free to get a quote n any free service isn't in my area. The only thing that is keeping me on this earth is his dog n tonight that is really thin cause of I could get her into a house I'd be flat on the free way or hanging from the trees under our tent. The world feels cold humans r the worst thing on earth how is it normal to treat people soo badly. Yes I have tried friends but as I won't give away the dog they don't want her I stayed somewhere for a month till my bank account was empty than got told they r moving guess who's wifi I'm using they enjoyed having someone pay for everything n hide but when the money goes it's not fun anymore. Just feeling like life doesn't ever get better n if I don't write this down I might just end it all. Struggling and wanting to go back in time to 2020 n spend my days with him again watching movies and laughing at stupid things instead of crying and wishing for my heart to just stop.

4 replies

1 - 4 of 4

In response to: 2024

tymeModerator11 Aug 2024, 8:54 pm AEST

Re: 2024

Hey hun @Nemxa ,

I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds like things have spun out of control and it is understandable you are feelings this way.

Please know we are here, sitting with you and listening.

We care.

I'm sorry it's been so hard. You deserve better.

If you feel like you need to speak to someone, please call:

Lifeline 13 11 14 

Lifeline Text Support 0477 131 114

Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467

If needing urgent help, please call 000.

In response to: 2024

GlistenSenior Contributor12 Aug 2024, 2:01 am AEST

Re: 2024

@Nemxa a horrible, horrible experience to go through. Explaining it to people makes worse. The reality hits you and you can’t stop crying.

People ask you what you’re “going to now?’. “Work out how to live.” I thought.

@Nemxa you must feel so lost?

Will check in. Let us know.

In response to: 2024

AsgardSenior Contributor14 Aug 2024, 10:59 am AEST

Re: 2024

Dear @Nemxa

Words can't describe what you have gone through and the situation that you find yourself in. Finding you a home however is your first priority, and then working out the rest can follow on from that. Dare I ask is there any family that you can stay with until you can gets things sorted. Me thinks his family should be responsible for at least contributing to the funeral costs. Can Centrelink do anything for you, now sure where you are based but in NSW you could give Mission Australia or Link2Home a bell as they help with finding you a home. Take care........................Asgard

In response to: 2024

Eve7Senior Contributor14 Aug 2024, 11:19 am AEST

Re: 2024

Hi @Nemxa , I am sorry you are having such a rotten year. I lost my hubby a few years ago and recently lost my son so I feel for you walking this path of grief. It's hard and there's no way of saying it's not.

I have no easy answers as there aren't any but it's good you have shared on here as people here are kind and supportive. I really hope you can find a home soon.

Take care and stay safe. I'm here for you, just add the @ tag and my name will come up.

1 - 4 of 4