Retirement (mental health)

Great Idea to start a new thread @Explorer7 😀

For my husband and I we have just started retirement

so at the moment we are feeling happy and content and relieved that we are not working anymore but I feel there will be cracks appearing

hubby is thinking of lots of projects to do , and I am the money watcher

I will tag @Oaktree as I know they have retired

Tx @Shaz51

Somewhere, I read a three-part recipe for retirement success that went: have something to do; have someone (or something) to love; and have something to do.

I like this recipe because I can remember it without having to write it down. It also seems to capture a lot of wisdom.

Retirement success also seems to depend on replacing the five benefits of work: (i) finances, (ii) socialisation, (iii) structure of your week; (iv) purpose; and (v) status (who will you be in retirement?).

When you're working, you're usually getting paid; you usually have socialisation opportunties each day; the structure of your week is largely informed by work; you have a purpose (e.g do a good job so you can pay the mortgage; contribute to the welfare of others); and when you meet someone in the street, and they ask you, "what do you do?" you can say whatever it is that your job confers upon you, so to speak.

All these things disappear when you retire. The knack seems to be to figure out what to replace them with in retirement.

@Explorer7I'm almost 54 and sort of had retirement forced upon me due to recent health issues. It's not that I feel I can't work, just that it's difficult and it feels like no one wants to touch anyone who is risky healthwise. Even finding volunteer positions has been challenging because of this.

I find the time spent home alone all the time, isn't a primary cause of depression but does make existing ones worse. Too much time to just sit and think I guess. Plus it does increase the feeling of worthlessness which obviously doesn't help things.

I've tried to fill my time by doing similar things to you. With a friend, I've recently started a support group that is going well, had a MCHP, joined a couple of mental health support groups, even recently did an ASIST (suicide intervention training) workshop. I seem to be primarily dealing with my own issues by focusing on helping others with their own. I've found this has helped me the most out of all the things i've tried over the past 12 months or so.

Those are very good points @Explorer7 and will have to apply them to our life

@MJG017 well done for starting a support group

I am 60 and I retired because of physical health problems, trying to get that balance of doing just enough and not overdoing

@MJG017

Bearing in mind I can't walk in your shoes, there's only one of you in the world and you bring your unique value to it by way of your endeavours. In this sense, there's no intrinsic need to feel worthless. Who's in charge here? Your feelings or your intellect? [I'll caveat this by saying that in the midst of depression, in my experience, it feels like one's feelings are in charge, at which point it's time to seek professional help]

In my experience, dealing with your issues by focusing on helping others with their own, is an excellent strategy.

In terms of filling time I've read that engaging in activities with a clear purpose for more than five hours a week is good for wellbeing in retirement. A purposeful activity is something that has a goal or purpose, providing structure and satisfaction in your day-to-day life.

Five hours a week doesn't seem onerous to me. The implication is possibly that the rest of your time can be less than purposeful.

There was a recent article in New Scientist looking at the difference between "lonliness" and "solitude": The power of solitiude: How mastering the art of being on your own can boost your mental health. The byline is: "We are finally getting to grips with why solitude is so important. Here's how to use your alone time to get the biggest boost to your health and relationships."

Hi @Explorer7 .

The first therapist I ever (briefly) dealt with likened my graduation from high school to a retirement. She wasn't really wrong.

It's weird, at a time when you'd expect most people to be talking about your life as if it was just beginning, people were looking at mine as if it had already come to its ending. Never could understand why that was.

You live in hope that the trend will somehow break and that they'll start helping you towards the new life you yearn to start, rather then suppressing it. But for me, that trend never did break.

I have to say, I am no fan of "retirement". It's more akin to imprisonment then some sort of desirable "freedom".

Hey @chibam ,

Great to see you pop by 🙂

Hope you are well.

Thanks, @tyme . I'm about as well as ever. 🙂

Tx @chibam

I've heard the expression (1) "to retire from" rather than (2) "to retire to". The first option implies a sense of loss. The second implies a sense of gain. Mind you, this is all well and good for me to write.

How did you find yourself in retirement?

I thought I was retiring "to" something but further down the track realised I'd ending up retiring from something, without sufficient preparation for the "retire to" part of the formula. That was a tough lesson.

@Explorer7I feel like my feelings and intellect are always fighting it out for control. They certainly always seem to have opposite ideas, especially when the feelings want to give in to the fear and anxiety while the intellect says "... and how does that usually work out?!"

Focusing on helping others, whether its with mental health or their own cancer diagnosis, i've found it's the only thing that really helps me and gives me any sense of purpose anymore. Even if it's just getting involved in volunteering some time to shae my experiences and feedback to help other people with research and studies into improving current services.

I think I've always had a good grip on the differences between loneliness and solitude. I used to enjoy my solitude a lot more. I grew up enjoying things I could so alone, mainly out of necessity, but I enjoyed doing them and this continued throughout my life. I also enjoying doing things with other people, but that became less and less as I got older and now it all seems far too much loneliness where even the solitude just feels like it has merged with the loneliness and they're now indistinguishable and certainly don't feel different from each other like they used to.