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Something’s not right

so hard

Katz42Senior Contributor

so hard

Hi all, 👋

I am finding everything so hard, again. I am doing all 'the right things' that my psychiatrist, psychologist and gp tell me will help. I spend so much of my life "working" as in doing stuff to not feel so awful. Life is such a chore and it all hurts. It's so unfair that I am doing all 'the work' but if I ever feel any better, it's short-lived.

What is the point? I keep asking myself. Then I do the cbt and challenging and all that, but if I did a pie chart showing "working" and "fun", you would barely notice the tiny sliver of pie that represents fun. I think that would be realistic, rather than just negative feelings because I am depressed etc.

I just can't think of anything that I enjoy anymore or anything that doesn't cause emotional or physical pain.

I went out and about, exposure therapy, I was positive and friendly, then I got really sick with covid. Not much incentive to challenge my agoraphobia.

I'm always having digestive tract problems, so no incentive to eat either.

People make me hurt.

As soon as I wake up each day, I am hurrying time along until it is time to be asleep again and not having to face life. I don't smoke or drink or anything like that, so the only way to escape is to be asleep. Sleep's not easy either. Chronic insomnia.

Well, I'm falling deeper, so I must refocus and do something different.

I will put on some Kylie and do a little dance. 💃

Thanks for listening, again. 🙏

5 replies

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In response to: so hard

MJG017Senior Contributor

Re: so hard

I'm so sorry to hear you're so down at the moment @Katz42. I know how it is to feel things will never get better, but we just have to scrape every little bit of positivity we can and just keep looking for more. If it's a little Kylie dance then dance like you never have before! I've found it's often a lot of little things that improve things rather than looking for one or two big things. Thanks for sharing and I hope things start looking up very soon for you. Enjoy the dancing!

In response to: so hard

AsgardSenior Contributor

Re: so hard

Hi @Katz42

I can feel the pain in your words and wish there was a magic wand that would make things a bit happier for you. As @MJG017 said maybe its finding a few little things that would make you happy. I know that I was stuck in the same rut as you, except sleep came to me and I would sleep days away. So put on Kylie and have a wee dance around. Thinking of you.....Asgard

In response to: so hard

Eve7Senior Contributor

Re: so hard

I can relate to what you are saying @Katz42 and I’m sorry you are having such a rough time.

I like your attitude about doing a dance to some Kylie. Maybe do a big dance if that’s what is needed.

Sending lots of support. 💚💛💚

In response to: so hard

rav3nSenior Contributor

Re: so hard

Thanks for sharing @Katz42, sounds like you've been having a difficult time and you've been working hard to better yourself - like the others have mentioned every tiny little step does make a big difference! There's no pressure to work through everything at once (even though it might feel like it), we're here for you. Glad to hear you're dancing, hope it helps shake away some of those tense feelings 💗

In response to: so hard

ArraDreamingSenior Contributor

Re: so hard

Hi @Katz42 Welcome to SANE
this space has been really good for me to connect with others and work through different things
How are you finding it so far?

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