Struggling again

Hey @D1ng0, whilst it is lovely to see you again I am very sorry that things are so tough for you right now. I think folks here have already summed up everything I would want to express to you, so I'll just send you this big, squishy hug 🫂 and let you know I'm here for ya 💜

Morning @Ainjoule, thanks again for supporting me, and for giving me hope. It actually is really reassuring that things got significantly better for you.

Morning @Snowie, that makes me really sad... I'm sorry you're feeling that way, and in that situation right now. But of course I appreciate the empathy, so thank you for commenting. I hope today treats you well.

Hey @Jynx, thank you for the hug 🙂 and the support

@D1ng0Just reading some of your replies to other people here, makes me wonder if we know the exact same group of people. I've always been ready to offer help to anyone and have never said no if someone asks. I've always had these doubts about how everyone in my life really sees me, and those doubts had grown quite a bit by the time I turned 50. Then when I had to go in for surgery after being diagnosed with cancer almost 2 years ago, pretty much all of them sent me a message wishing me well. I thought that maybe I had been a bit harsh in my judgement of them and that they would all support me through this incredibly tough time. But it was the last I heard from most of them, or if I did, they didn't ask me how things were going with me health wise. It then made me wonder what I had done wrong to build such a huge gap between me and my family and friends.

But a couple of friends I've known since primary school, who i've sort of slowly lost regular contact with over the years heard about what was happening and we've recently caught up a few times and they've both said to call them if I ever need anything. So sometimes in really tough times you find out who is there to support you and who aren't. I have learnt though not to be too harsh on the ones that appear to be not interested. I guess some people just don't know what to say or do around people they know who are having a tough time. Maybe they think we would rather not talk about things and want to hear about happy things to take our mind off our problems.

I do feel like you do in that I do wonder why they don't seem more interested in at least checking in every now and then to see how i'm doing, especially when I would do that if position were reversed, but i'm starting to think it's more of a case that going through rough times can make us far more empathetic to other people whereas people in great places at the time have a sort of "blindness' to them about it, rather than just a lack of care or interest in how we're doing. It doesn't help that feeling of isolation and loneliness of course, but it does help to remind me that support can come from forgotten or surprising places. Even a year ago, if you had told me I was going to be writing about these things in any way on a forum, i would have thought "you don't know me very well!" But here I am. Which sort of brings me back to the points above... maybe going through these extended really difficult times changes our perspectives and outlooks and the people around us don't see the need for support as much as we do. Maybe i'm just making excuses for them, I don't know... I'm still very much trying to figure this out. It's still a massive 'work in progress'. As you said, it's not like your issues all happened suddenly. Essentially i'm where you are in wondering "how bizarre everyone's apathy is." I don't get it but on the plus side, it does give me such a huge lift when I find people who do understand and want to support me, and in turn makes me want to do more of the same for them. Even if it's online.

I you're doing better today.

Hey @MJG017, thanks for telling me about your experiences. I'm glad you've regained some faith in people, I hope I can too. And I really feel for you, it sounds like you've been through a lot.

I guess, reading what you've written, I'm reflecting on the fact that I've been sick for years... and since I've been barely functional for a lot of that time, I guess it makes sense that many people have stopped confiding in me, so I've had less opportunity to help them, too. Of course this disconnection happened. I don't think I can blame anyone for not supporting me, honestly.

It doesn't make me feel any less depressed or isolated, but I'm gonna speak to my therapist about processing my anger. I'm not sure how I can feel better about very few people supporting me, but there's got to be a way.

Your reply made me hopeful, so thank you for that.

Everyone's support on this post has definitely helped.

Thanks @D1ng0. I spoke to my psychologist about the reaction (or lack thereof) from the people around be once I was diagnosed 2 years ago and about how angry it made me. She suggested some reasons why they might not want to talk to me about things but I sort of disregarded it. I mean, surely ALL of them didn't have excuses?! So I held on to that anger and resentment for quite a while.

Eventually i realised there's enough negativity in my life going on and the last thing I needed, for my own sanity and health, was to add more negativity. So I decided to cut anything out I could that brought negativity into my life. So while I'm still on good term with most of these people and am more than happy to talk to them if the want, I don't have any expectations about them now nor do I go out of my way to stay in contact with them. So I don't think my relationship with them has worsened as a result, just that I no longer expect them to contact or support me and so don't get as upset when they inevitably dont. I guess i'm not suggesting cutting them out of you life, just change your expectations and move on as far as finding support goes.

It's not a perfect solution be any means and that sadness and loneliness I feel when I think about them is still there, but a lot more manageable. Plus, it has helped (or motivated) me to look elsewhere and I have found things (like here) that have helped me that I wouldn't have bothered to look for before with the worse state of mind I was in then.

I don't know if this helps any. Hopefully it doesn't make it worse. But i've found it has helped me improve my outlook just a little, enough to get my mind focused where it needs to be right now, which is doing things that bring positivity rather than more negativity. Even a little bit of a change makes a big difference when there's so much negativity in my life that I can't change like with my physical health.

Even if no ones given you one, you definitely do deserve that medal @D1ng0!

I relate to the loneliness you mention too - personally I started reaching out psychologists/clinicians/support chats instead of my friends more. It was just easier for me since I could be honest with them and get a quicker response. I do still reach out to my friends but its nice knowing that if they don't respond, I have alternative (and professional) supports.

It might not feel like it now but you are doing an amazing job at reaching out and trying your best, we're here for you 💗

Hey @rav3n, thanks heaps for supporting me, I really appreciate it. And thanks again @MJG017 for insights into your life 😊