Cycle - Fear of triggering myself

@MermaidHair

Did you find it easier or harder to acknowledge the days? What did you do on any significant dates that you thought might upset you?

Because I find I fixate on dates or keep thinking about the past even days before.

I once got myself all worked up and extremely upset for 2 weeks but I wasn't thinking clearly. It over a family memorial date and I got the day correct but remembered the wrong month when I initially thought about it. I consistently believed it was that date and fixated and grieved/stressed over that date until another family member told me a day or two before the date I believed it was.

@tyme

I'm doing an external DBT course + both individual psychologist do CBT/Schema/EMDR but one has a my history and starting neuro affirming training, and the new psychologist has a much larger list of therapy styles/experiences including DBT, ACT, cPTSD, grief, eating disorders, neuroaffirming care and more (both clinical psychologists). She wasn't keen on the two psychologists long term even then to still do seperate things as much as possible. Which confuses me.

What do you mean by seperating present and future? How do you really about the future without talking about the present? Or Past and future I guess I can understand, but still you draw on past/present experiences for decisions?

@Andarna really good questions!

One example I can give is there is a period of time for me that I considered a "rough" month. It is when I have my birthday, mothers day, my mums birthday and the anniversary of my mothers passing all within the same month. So initially I really struggled at this time of year, it was so hard. But then as time went on I told myself I struggle at that time of year, so then I would anticipate the struggle. Essentially what was a very hard month for me become a hard couple of months, because not only would I spend a month triggered in trauma, grief, depression etc, I'd spend just about the same amount of time getting worked up, anticipating and fearing how bad I was going to be for that month.

As far as what helped, I still acknowledge the days but I try create future positive memories, associations and experiences. I really up the self care on the "hard" days and in the lead up, treating myself extra special and kind, giving myself permission to not be okay.

Greif and trauma are very complex things, it will always be the day that thing happened every year, but you don't have to relive it every time 🙏 Time is also one of the biggest healers of all, it gets easier 💜