Katz42Senior Contributor
Abandoned
Hello everybody.
I saw that there was a very appropriate and helpful post about people popping in and out of this SANE forums community.
I have been absent for a while, and in many ways, I have felt guilty of abandonment.
Sometimes 'chatting' about our mental health problems is good for me, feelings of inclusion and the comfort of validation. There are also a lot of times that I feel too overwhelmed by my own 'stuff' and empathy for others who are suffering too, it is just too too much for me. So I stay away. That isn't because I don't care, it is actually because I do care. I care so much that it hurts.
I would not be surprised if many of you experience that kind of thing too.
Like a lot of us, I have a fear of abandonment, and so I feel guilty when I am the abandoning person. i.e. abandoning the SANE community
Again, that post, sorry not good at remembering names, eased my guilt a bit by stating and understanding that it's okay to pop in and out when we need it.
I have had other things going on too. I got covid again and was really sick this time. I'm showing negative now, but still physically suffering from the symptoms.
Does anybody listen to Dylan Lewis on Double J mornings?
He's around my age and likes a lot of the same music as I do. Listening to Dylan play "my" sort of music - new and old - can be uplifting. He also seems to be inclusive and non-judgmental but also genuine in his sense of fun and friendliness on air. Might be a horrible person in real life, but I don't need to worry about that, because I don't intend to meet him and hang out with him. When he speaks fondly of his audience and those who call and text in, it makes me a little teary. I'm not used to kind people. I'm not used to friendly people. I'm not used to people caring.
Anyway, the other day I sent Dylan a text, a witty little comment about a song that he'd played. As soon as the song ended, he read my text and I felt heard, noticed and appreciated, even if it was only a bit of word play about music, and not my deep feelings. He laughed at my joke. Somebody laughed at my joke! It made me feel that maybe I'm not as hideous and unlikable as I constantly think.
I'm not saying that texting a radio presenter, or particularly Dylan, will make everyone feel a bit better about themselves, my point is more that even a stranger's positive words or reactions mean something. It's a positive, magical moment to hang on to and remind ourselves that we are all good people no matter how we feel about ourselves.
I wrote about that text moment in my journal and also how it made me feel, as a reminder when I need a confidence booster.
Does anybody else do that sort of thing, like gratitude journalling etc.?
I'm going to leave it there.
Wishing you all happiness and health 🌻
