Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

Unsure if my feelings and response is warranted

Purpleflower09Casual Contributor20 July 2024, 12:28 pm AEST

Unsure if my feelings and response is warranted

Hi, I really hope this is ok to post; I have read the guidelines so think it is ok. Please let me know if it isn’t.

TW: Intimacy

My partner of 2 years has just told me about a fetish he has.

Content/trigger warning

We have always said we will be open and honest with each other and have had many talks about intimacy, fantasies etc and he has never told me his until now. I don’t care that he has the fetish (which is Urolgnia), but I am feeling angry about things that have happened which make me feel like I was being used to meet his fantasies without me even knowing. We have baths together and sit there for hours talking and enjoying each others company. We laughed at me weeing in the bath once and since then he has always spoken about how it is his favourite memory/time with me but said because he loved how comfortable I was to do that. We have shared many baths and that just became the norm. Now I feel like each time he suggested a bath it had the altering motive behind it and I was doing something that touched his fetish without being aware. So I feel used.

I’m hurt for the reason that he didn’t me during all our conversations Around the topic. But I’m not sure if I have the right to be angry about feeling used. I understand he was too embarrassed to tell me.

thoughts?

2 replies

1 - 2 of 2

In response to: Unsure if my feelings and response is warranted

AinjouleSenior Contributor20 July 2024, 12:45 pm AEST

Re: Unsure if my feelings and response is warranted

Hey @Purpleflower09 ,

It's ok to have mixed feelings when you have built a relationship on trust and you feel like the other person hasn't been completely forthcoming. You have a right to your feelings. One thing I was taught in therapy was that "Your feelings are valid, your actions may or may not be". I guess it's about allowing yourself to have your feelings and then working out where to go from there. And good on you for coming to the forums to talk it through, welcome.

In response to: Unsure if my feelings and response is warranted

AsgardSenior Contributor22 July 2024, 11:31 am AEST

Re: Unsure if my feelings and response is warranted

Hi @Purpleflower09

As @Ainjoule said your feelings about the situation are valid, so don't go beating yourself up about that. Now its up to you both to talk about it, and I mean talk about it properly, no dancing around the subject. Be honest with how it makes you feel, put all your cards on the table, hopefully you two can talk and resolve this. You have 2 years together, so talk........Asgard

1 - 2 of 2