Best Friends Club

@NightFury same with me, i wish i was more social like it seems fun but it brings me a lot of anxiety too. i always have an 'escape route/scenario' prepared 😋 forcing yourself to go out for a bit and pushing your comfort zone takes a lot of effort (i know i find it exhaustinggg) but good on you for doing it!!

@Former-Member stuffing it back in the pandora's box must be exhausting! you can always drop mask and just be the real you, there's no pressure to pretend here. plus idk about you, but having a good cry can be so relieving. make some muddles and then jump in them!

@rav3n oh no no no no, hells to the no!, I wouldn't dare do that without being in the presence of my clinical psych, I let out the happy go lucky, silly side of me all the time as yes it is me, but it is the thing holding down the pain, shame, sorrow and regret for the hell on earth that has been created by me and the trauma I received from work

@Former-Member i see - and that's very fair, seems like your clinical psych is one of your safe spaces? we all have our own way of coping and getting through, and if that works for you, the by all means i support you! pandora's box to be opened with psych - noted. i know that sometimes dark humour/laughing at myself is what keeps me going.

those are some really tough and intense things to witness, and i can see how it would impact your perception of society/reality. and totally okay if you want to edit your posts, do whatever feels most comfy for you.

@lonemushroom oh my stars I would LOVE a bonfire right about now!! I will have to settle for my little brazier hehe. But it's exciting I get to bring it out, I only just bought it a few months ago so only used it twice! Mmmm marshmallows hehe

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@lonemushroom wrote:

It’s all over the place at the moment but I’m trying to figure out a way to explain to him why what he did wasn’t okay without sounding like I’m guilt tripping in any way.

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Have you heard of 'I-statements'? Really helps, cos instead of telling someone they are wrong, we tell them the impact they had - then less chance of guilty feelings!

Some examples:

@Jynx braziers are awesome!! used to love when we were given lamb cutlets to hold over the fire as kids too yummm

I have heard of that actually! I had a crisis counsellor explain it to me a couple years ago when I was having trouble letting someone know I needed some boundaries and it helped a lot. I’ll use these pics to refer back to when I’m ready to talk about it to him for sure 😊 definitely won’t be using the journal version lol

just hard finding the right words at times because I don’t want to make it so much about my own emotions that he takes it as “well your emotions aren’t my responsibility anymore so you need to deal with it” well, I am…..he has no idea what kind of mental state I’m in because I haven’t told him lol. to be fair I don’t think he wouldn’t actually say those words and is usually pretty good about owning up to mistakes when he makes them, but I do want to make the point that really any average adult wouldn’t accept how he behaved either so that I don’t sound like I’m overreacting or like it’s just about my mental health if that makes sense?

if it’s not obvious already my childhood trauma that manifested into my complex PTSD means I am constantly scared of being made into a villain if I dare talk about any of my wants or needs even if they’re incredibly basic 😅

@lonemushroom aww that sounds so wholesome!! Hmm yesss plans forming for many winter snacks roasted over fire hehehe

I guess to help you figure out how to put your thoughts into words, you could have a think about what it is you'd like this to achieve? Are you looking for...closure? To feel heard?

One thing to look out for (in my experience anyway) is if the motivation is 'to change their mind'. We can't control how people perceive us, we can only control our own actions and behaviours, our own perceptions of ourselves and others. So identifying what it is you need from this conversation might help you figure out how to approach it!

Ooft, that's a tough one - but amazing you've idenfitfied the pattern. Makes sense that this conversation would feel pretty daunting!!

@Jynx yeah definitely for sure, feeling heard is certainly a big one particularly because the conversation ended up being quite rushed when it happened due to me having a deadline to make an urgent phone call before close of business and him needing to go pick something up so I felt very put on the spot honestly and like I didn’t get to say as much as I needed the space to. I’m for sure very weary of even leaning into that “wanting to change their mind” territory as it’s absolutely not my intentions at all

he said he doesn’t want me completely out of his life and would like to at least still be friends, and I know that both of us would want one of our friends to make us aware if we’ve hurt someone. we actually hardly ever fought during our relationship really, I mean yeah a few occasional misunderstandings here and there like most relationships but we were always really good at talking things out nicely without many issues………I think that’s why it’s all been such a shock, really did come out of nowhere

anywho, one day or even one hour at a time I guess

in other news - got approved for some assistance I need, house inspection and GP appointment tomorrow, cousin’s starting a new job assisting a psychologist while completing their training, suuuper proud of how amazing they’re doing

how’s everyone’s day been?

Hello @lonemushroom , @Oaktree , @Jynx , @rav3n , @Former-Member , @Till23 , @Healandlove , @Glisten 😊

Good evening @Shaz51, I hope you had a good day today