Best Friends Club

Feeling really dark today

No @Glisten

listen but I am now. Tofu here I come ........

I'm reading how to marinate tofu.

Dear @NightFury

Iv read your introduction again -

My oldest son went through times of psychosis when he did his Philosophy degree -

Ide not feel bad that you struggle. In my eyes, at your age, ide feel proud to keep on going.

Then, my brother who knows and supports my son -- told me he had absolutely no idea how to support him. He said he never ever been confronted by that before as my son was put in a locked ward. And my brother is the head of an Education Department in a University. Me, a pensioner, struggling away was so surprised -- he who has a PhD in Education did not know what to do and I little me with nothing managed it. I gave him advice !!

I'm the wonderful age of 57. I been in therapy for longer than iv been talking

it feels

that my mother and step father have both narcassism as a diagnosis and my mother also Borderline personality disorder.

This is not a bad thing

but it's bad if you do not recognise your own diagnosis . It can slip away into not speaking your own truth. Also at their age, it made them both very defended and angry because of the no empathy bit that THEY show.

In borderline personality disorder what I learned is that one loves very deeply and care very deeply. I learned in my little story that yes my mum loves deeply but not to me. She needs to be seen and pushes her way into every little thing happening around her.

I digress.

My problems - with help from Sane Forums, psychotherapy and having the love from a wonderful husband -

I'm boundary less.

It's very difficult to acknowledge this. Does this make me a bad person - I used to think it did - it sounds horrible.

But now I. Realised - after actually having the confidence to walk away from my Mum,

Be loved by my husband

Bring loved by my step mother ( !!)

Having proper support

I'm boundary less. I have NDIS from a serious head injury - I'm very high functioning -----

I can't drawing lessons

I can't play the guitar

It's like I will bend over backwards and go to huge excuses not to go.

I can't even go to the lessons I dearly want to go to at the lake munga community centre

it's from a deep self hatred.

I can't even get my support workers to drive me there.

It's ingrained in me. I think it's too late to change. It's a habit.

Even after millions of years of therapy from a very good Psychotherapist.

@NightFury @Oaktree @avant-garde @avant-garde @Appleblossom @Glisten @ENKELI @Gibbs @Bunnykins @BPDSurvivor @creative_writer @Faith-and-Hope @utopia @TAB @Alittleorange @Pumba23 @Cas @Shaz51

@Historylover @Dimity

I agree @PeppyPatti , my therapist says I have generalised anxiety, and my understanding is that our brains get addicted to some quite intense emotions, I think it's as a way of surviving with those emotions, but when we don't need them anymore they become an obstacle to our quality of life.

My anxiety has never stopped me getting on with my day, but it's always been tremendously heavy luggage to carry around. For a long time I could feel the weight of it physically in my stomach, chest...and don't get me started on the stress headaches that I experienced. Having people to talk with about the defamation I went through has made an enormous difference to that.

• There'll always be people who want to think the worst of me, but I'm now strong enough not to care too much about that. The other day someone called me derogatory term referring to my LGBTQI status to which I responded "Is that all you've got?...accusing me of having my own sexuality?...accusing me of being an individual?...accusing me of having the courage to express my differences?"...Oh wait a minute, that's not an accusation, it's a compliment."

@PeppyPatti ahaha...I had to look back at what I wrote....

I have been working through some "stuff" around study and this course over the last day and a half and I'm sitting much better with it now.

Dear @Abner I'm proud of you that you wrote that.

As an older woman on Sane forums I believe our stories make the world talk about mental health after COVID.

@Appleblossom @Oaktree @NightFury @avant-garde @Appleblossom @EternalFlower

Yummy food right there @PeppyPatti Now I have seen it, I want to eat it. 🍜

@PeppyPatti That looks pretty nice. Not sure I would try it. I'm not very adventurous with food. I have a food texture thing...I don't really do foods with odd, or slimy textures.

@Glisten you're a good grand mummy. I skipped the services, there was one at GLD that I was thinking of going to and then the usual one in Midvegas that I went to the last couple of years.

I am feeling sleepy, I think it's a combination of pain killers with the 'deine and a change in weather. Oh and the fact that I didn't sleep well so I'm going to have a nap before I start prepping for dinner. My crazy cat lady friend gets Hello Fresh and then doesn't use them so she gave me the contents of her last box. I am going to make honey roasted pumpkin risoni and if I like it I'll keep the recipe. I wish I could afford to waste money like she can. She recently bought another cat (so that she can keep her collection at 8 as one passed recently), a Norwegian Forest cat. Not just a $50 moggie. I need to banish the resentment and be grateful for what I have.

Anyhoo, enjoy your day, I shall check in to make sure you're still behaving yourself.

I shall post secret messages at Bunnings and pre-poll for you. Never know, we may meet in line waiting to vote!! Just look for the radish 😁

I loved the way you flipped the script from accusations to... Courage... Being a compliment. @Abner

@ENKELI @NightFury @PeppyPatti @Glisten @Oaktree

Walked to my son's favourite local restaurant with him and nephew. Yum dindin. Hawkers chicken and lemon Thai tea. Grateful for family.