@PeppyPatti oh wow, you have been doing some SOLID introspection!! Kudos!!
I have been taking the time to read each of your posts, and will do my best to respond to them!! Wow, so lucky to get to witness this part of your journey!!
@PeppyPatti wrote:
Jynx @Jynx
That all emotions talk about a need ?
Is this right ?
...
So I need to say I feel misunderstood instead of jumping up and down and screaming
Yes very this!! It also helps me to remember that all social emotions are also survival emotions (because when we were evolving, rejection from our social group meant death), which is why we have sayings like "I could have died of shame!"
Feeling misunderstood plays on this because if someone doesn't understand us, maybe they won't accept us, which could mean rejection.
@PeppyPatti wrote:
So, what are my needs ? I can run around telling im annoyed, us that my emotion what makes me so annoyed back to what @Jynx writes. Is that me ? Am i an annoyed person ?
Im annoyed because -
I look perfectly fine. Im high functioning.
But no one understand my actual needs in the umberella of mental health.
This us what im working out - why am i so annoyed.
My heard injury gives me the path of vulnerability but why ?
This is what this concept has helped me move away from - over-identifying with my emotions!! It also really helps when I'm trying to like... 'track the origin' of the emotion, so to speak. You know, like when you're all irritable and think 'Why is my fuse so short today?'
So I think about my needs and I go ok, am I underslept, have I eaten enough, where am I at in my hormone cycle, are there other factors influencing me right now, whats my overall capacity at the moment, etc etc.
So then instead of thinking 'Ugh I am being so mean and cranky god why am I so annoying and horrible!!' I can move towards thoughts like 'Oh no I am being so mean and cranky, hmm I might be overstimulated, or maybe I haven't eaten enough today. Let's see if a snack and some quiet time helps.'
Yeah for sure @Oaktree @Glisten identifying our needs can be suuuuper tricky hey!! Often the 'quality' of the emotion is an indicator - high energy emotions (like excitement and anger) motivate us towards action (social behaviours or anti-social ones respectively....usually) whereas low energy emotions (like sadness and serenity) tend to motivate social withdrawal and/or slowing down for rest.
Then we can break em down even further into like... the biopsychosocial sections of our lives.
- Biological needs include everything our bodies need to live - i.e. breathing, eating, and sleeping for example. My most oft neglected biological need is sleep lol
- Psychological needs include psychological safety (which includes having safe shelter), mental wellbeing, self-esteem, and even stuff like ability to engage with creativity and leisure time
- Social needs include our relationships and our social identity, including everything from our sense of belonging and acceptance, to our sense of purpose and meaning derived from our social actions and behaviours.
So let's say someone says something a little off-putting to me. A reactive, emotionally driven response might be to lash out/retaliate with defensiveness. This is because I have perceived that this person may be judging me, which could lead to my social standing being impacted and thus rejection = death. So following the emotion I start telling them off for having a go at me.
But if I stop, and try to tune into my body, I might find that the irritability is actually because I have had a long day and not much food, so maybe this person's comment was actually kind of innoccuous? Then I can say like, 'I dunno what you mean by that but it's made me feel really cranky. Maybe I need to eat. Let's do that and come back to this conversation?'
Wow that got wordy!! I'll leave it there for now, lol but always happy to ramble about this stuff!! Thanks for reading along folks 😊
