Hi @Shaz51,
How am I going? This week was a struggle TBH.
My life isn't bad - far from it, on paper - but 95% of my time for the last 2 decades has been focused around work. That's not to say I am career or money driven, I'm not at all. But it feels like it just got this way by default.
So for 5 out of 7 days my life is fully focused on work - eg I get up, get ready for work, commute to work, work all day, then commute home. The rest of the evening s dedicated to "life admin" things - cooking, cleaning, exercise (not a fan but it's a must-do IMO), grocery shopping, laundry, ironing, gardening, paying bills, etc. Then I go to bed at a sensible time so I'm not tired and can do it all again tomorrow.
I feel absolutely drained at the end of each day and certainly don't have the time or energy to do stuff that I'd actually like to do. If something random happens like getting sick or the car breaking down it can throw all of this out of whack and add even more pressure.
And it feels like it's not like I'm achieving or working towards something. I get an income from my job, but that just goes to paying bills, keeping a roof over my head, and food on the table. It's not like I feel like I can actually save towards something I want to buy or for retirement or anything.
Sometimes I actually feel it would be less mentally taxing to live like a caveman off the land. At least then there is a direct correlation to the work you put in and what you get out of it, and your livelihood wouldn't be at the whim of other people (bosses, globalisation, local and foreign markets, etc). I mean, at the end of the day both systems do the exact same thing - put a roof over your head and food on the table.
So I don't know - what's the point in exhausting yourself for the sake of making some rich shareholders even richer when you can exhaust yourself (or not) by just looking after yourself?
Well I think I do know the answer to that one: Social relationships. Humans are social animals - we require friends and to be part of a tribe or group. If you go off on your own and live like a hermit in the bush you don't get that essential social contact, which would arguably also greatly impact your mental health. Not to mention, even if you could mix with people you would be looked down upon. "Hey guys, want to come over to my hut 3 hrs into the outback and eat some smoked goanna and drink creek water that I also bath in? Oh sorry, I can't buy the next round of drinks - I don't have any money." Doesn't exactly go down too well or help with making friends or finding a partner.
So yeah, feels like I'm trapped between a rock and a hard place: On one hand I keep doing what I'm doing which makes me miserable. On the other I go bush, probably get sick from something, starve, become socially isolated and even worse off (not to mention I'd still have to pay some sort of property tax or rent or whatever for where I live, so you'd still have to get a job again anyways).
This is why, philosophically speaking, opting out in the form of ending my life seems quite reasonable. I don't think I'm depressed or anything, I just don't want to live the way I am required to, if that makes sense.
Haha anyway, that's what I'm struggling with today. How are you?
