Good morning Besties,
First of all I want to thank all of you for reading and responding to my posts! You cannot overestimate how helpful your interactions with my posts and me have been to my recovery this relapse.
@Jynx Thank you for your reassurance re the attachment bond. This is the longest that I've been in a relationship, so it's definitely unchartered waters for me!
He so far hasn't responded to my suggestion of couples' counselling. I think what is and has been happening is that we are both avoiding overstepping each other's comfort zones and, being anxious people, we are both teetering too far behind the line. My friend said last week that most people in my relationship would have started to question what was wrong, given the relationship is moving so slowly. I'm talking about two months until holding hands, months to a peck on the cheek, another further two months until I asked to kiss on the lips, etc, etc. But on the other hand, he was telling me on our first date in December 2023 that there would need to be two weddings: one in Australia and another in his home country. I didn't mind. And we also talked about how many kids we want. So fast or slow, I really don't know.
I have contacted him regarding an appointment that I need help getting to next week. I have also messaged him this morning regarding our weekend plans. I had made a date to go dancing, but my sleep routine is so fragile at the moment, I cant' afford to interrupt it with a late night out. I've requested a church date instead. @Oaktree I went back to the church I was brought up in, and attended again before I started working, and was welcomed by old friends with open arms and individualised prayer post-service. I was open about the fact that I was there for some "spiritual healing". The sermon was delivered by an old friend who is also one of the younger pastors, and it was timely and relevant (about how to involve God in the resolving the conflict in your relationships)! He is becoming an even better speaker than when I last heard him preach years ago.
The biggest challenge, as I mentioned in Disclosing to a Romantic Partner has been exactly that: deciding when to open up about my mental health struggles.
I was always cautious, given the rejection by the last dating partner I disclosed to, and was waiting for the right time. Unfortunately, the situation has unfolded out of my control. But my current partner took it really well, even thanking me for trusting him enough to "share [my] struggling]" with him. @MJG017 I'm still trying to tread lightly and not overwhelm him with my struggles, because he did say last week that he didn't know if he could handle what I was bringing to him.
Yes, @Jynx my favourite year 11 teacher taught us about so much more than his subject of Chemistry. He was the one who introducted Maslow's Hiearchy to me, and it's been very insightful for processing my experiences to date!
@tyme I saw the CATT doctor finally yesterday. She says the waitlist for a PARC is approximately two weeks! I agreed to be admitted to any PARC, given how in-demand the WPARC is.
The appointment went for close to an hour and a half - I was there with my carer (my Dad). It took that long for the Doctor to unpack some of the issues we have been having (and it was just the tip of the iceberg)! I really had to advocate for myself. But I think, given how scatterbrained I have been recently, I did a really good job. I brought my journal and updated Wellness Plan, which really helped me refocus the direction of my responses to and conversation with the doctor.
We soughted out my medications and I learnt more about the functions of each. What antipsychotics do, versus what benzodiazepines do. My PRNs are two antipsychotics, and one benzo. We also decided to try a naturally-occuring-in-the-body hormone to help me get to sleep. Last night it wasn't enough by itself, but I do feel like it's a step in the right direction! I feel it's a pity it took this long to get my medications on the right track, but I will take a leaf out of your book @tyme , and channel Susan Jeffers: "I am finding value in everything that happens to me." The doctor also reminded me and reinforced how mindfulness can help me get back to sleep when I wake up. (As well as PRNs.) And she educated me in more detail about sleep hygiene than what I had understood up to that point.:
- Avoid screen 2 hours before bedtime
- Warm shower before bed
- Exercise during the day
- Eat nutritious meals
I also mentioned that managing my medications was a challenge: she suggested Webster packs. I'm still deciding about that suggestion.
@Glisten @Shaz51 @Ru-bee @rav3n @BPDSurvivor
