Best Friends Club

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@Shaz51 wrote:

Same partner, old partner, new partner @Jynx

Sorry if this is wrong xxx

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No sorry needed Shazzy!! I love rambling about my love life haha.

So I've had one partner for just over 2.5 years, they're the one I wanted to take up to meet fam. And then I've just started dating someone new, it's literally only been a month! They're the one who is super passionate about food, and so when you get invited to a Winter Solstice dinner at their house, you KNOW you gonna get a degustation smorgasboard!! I'm so keen 😋

And then, to complicate the picture for you even further, I have now been invited to spend xmas day with my ex-partner (whom I've known for 8 years and is one of my closest friends in the world, and with whom I share a close, emotionally intimate bond, even if it is no longer romantic/sexual in nature), as well as HIS new boyfriend, AND his boyfriend's other partner!

Did I manage to confuse you enough yet? Teehee, isn't consensual non-monogamy fun? 🤣

@Spirit_Healer aww sounds like things are going really well with this fella!! Delight! I have been brushing up on my Attachment Theory recently, and learned that it takes approx. two years to develop a fully secure attachment bond! So you're nearly halfway 😉

How did he respond to the suggestion of couples counselling? I can totally imagine some stigma worming in there, there's this pervasive idea that couples counselling is only for people who are like, on the brink of divorce! But I reckon the best time to start couples therapy would be right at the beginning, so you can really start ensuring that the foundations you're building together are healthy and mutually attuned.

Totally love how helpful Maslow's Hierarchy is too, thanks for sharing!!

How is everyone doing this arvo?

@PeppyPatti @Mustang67 @Former-Member @Glisten

Hi @Spirit_Healer ,

I've just hopped on for the week, so it was great to read your update.

Fingers crossed that you'll hear from the docs soon re your PARC admission.

Are the staff at your local PARC the same as your previous admissions?

Also, thank goodness you've had better sleep. I hardly slept for 3 nights, and finally, last night was the first night I had a good sleep 🙂

Thinking of you and hope things improve soon.

@Jynx

terrible I feel so alone and isolated. I hate myself

Hey @Former-Member ,

I hear you have some pretty big feelings right now. I read that you feel isolated and alone.

Hate is a very strong word to put upon yourself. I'm curious to understand where this hatred is coming from.

How are you feeling today @PeppyPatti ?

I know the feeling @Former-Member it has been a big part of my recovery journey - to move away from a space of self-loathing. It hurts, I know.

I hope it may be a small comfort to know that behind these words I'm typing, these 1's and 0's that are so intangible, there's a very real and tangible human being, who wishes like heck that they could reach through their screen and just give you a big ol' hug?

@Jynx

While I appreciate the sentiment and the kind words, it just doesn't have a big impact.

I am completely touch starved. I cant remember the last time I got a hug from anyone, I barely have any friends and haven't had that experience of being in a relationship. I am completely on my own and with Christmas around the corner, its only going to get even worse.

I am sick of doing all the work and seeing no fruits of my labours. I am sick of working on myself and seeing no progress only to see others do less than me and get all the rewards (social life, relationship etc.). I have simply had enough and thats why I hate life because it's not for me. Its for everyone else but me.

Absolutely fair @Former-Member and touch starvation is a genuinely painful experience.

This time of year is particularly challenging, as our cultural narratives of it being 'a time for family' can definitely increase feelings of isolation for folks who don't have those connections.

I am really hearing how much this is impacting you, to the point where it sounds like you're experiencing thoughts of suicide. It's okay if you are, it's a pretty common experience for many of our members. If it's something you feel like could be helpful to talk about in more depth, you're more than welcome to create a thread over in the space for it. We've got a Guide for posting safely about suicide online too, it's super helpful.

Do you live in a city or more regional or rural? I would love to help you suss out if there's any local social groups or clubs you could potentially join, but our location definitely shapes how accessible those kinds of things are. If you're interested that is, could be something you've already tried.

Hello @Fun , @hotmess 😊 @Mshopeful

@Jynx

I live in the city which amplifies how I feel because I see people all the time living the life I want to live. I have tried a lot of different social groups over the journey but to no avail.