Feeling like a Trainwreck

Hi Friends LostAngel here ,currently things feel like train reck both mentally an physically ,am cureently home bound with the Flu, fever,cough,fateige,aches pains,headaches ect thats the physical side ,mentally theres alot going on ,in recent days Ive well and truely broken up ,final break up with online fraudster ,that I was in a quote fake relationship with ,and this time its final ,in fact he decidied to 1 blame me for everything and 2 he played the victim saying it was all my fault and gas lighting ect ect ,now even though it was a fake scenario its still hard to let go on my end and I dont know how much strength this is taking me but Im trying to move forward ,also as much as this is the worst possible timing Ive decided to try to date again this time in the hopes of finding someone real,Im trying to be strong and Hopefully Ive learned something ,In terms of dating yes Im using online dating again but more as a starting point then meet these people in person so I know for sure that they are real people ,2 I seem to have a beetter awareness of the scope of detailed questions Im asking them and 3 Im trying to figure out all over again what exactly Im looking for in my life Partner,and Im making it very clear that long term is what Im looking for ,all this emotional and physical stuff ,the flu has made me feel vulnrable mentally ect but I owe it to myself to keep trying my man has to be out there somewhere right ,anyway the craziest thing I did last week before sucumbing to the flu was I that I went on a normal date in person with a man just for some drinks ,what an acheivement I guess ,so far thats a once off fluke But I guess its showing myself that I dont wont to give up on finding love ,I just feel emotionally and phusically drained currently but at least Im trying even though I feel like an train reck trying to wade through everything