I'm drowning

Hi all

Just signed up to these forums just now as my mental health is circling the drain.

I was diagnosed with BPD, GAD & mod depression back in 2019 after having mental health problems my entire life (I'm 49 this yr). Getting the diagnosis destroyed me and it's been a long hard struggle to climb out of the abyss for the last 5yrs.

In March this year i had to leave my rental of 4yrs due to my landlords relationship breaking down and i was the collateral damage as she wanted $$. Because i am on welfare with a cat there's no way i can get a rental in this climate so my only option was to live in a bus in a very remote town in mountainous Tassie...just in time for winter. There's no water...only a couple of solar panels & batteries (enough to charge my phone and have light)...no running water...no shower...no way to wash my clothes...and i have to use a camp toilet.

I can't sleep for more than a cpl hrs at a time at night so the fire doesn't go out or i will literally get hypothermia. I have to rely on a friend to visit me once a fortnight and drive the 1.5hrs each way to Launceston so i can stay in a cabin have a shower do laundry and get groceries. I don't drive cos of my anxiety and i feel so trapped and isolated.

I've been promised a cabin in a caravan park in Launceston but the wait is torture. Meanwhile my water containers keep freezing solid and every day i wake up with a sickening feeling in my guts. I can't live like this.

My depression has taken over and i can't do any of my usual self care activities even if i wanted to. I really feel like I'm gonna drown this time. This has been a brutal test to learn gratitude for the life i had that i thought i hated so much. I'd give anything to live in a rundown rental again with power and hot running water and a flushing toilet.

Sorry for the overshare but I've never been this low before and I'm struggling to keep my head above the waves.