a little help please

Hi @Ellie,

It's ok to share your experiences on threads started by other members. I'm glad that you did, sounds like you're feeling pretty worried and stressed right now.

It seems like your friendship has worked it's way through ups and downs in the past. It's true, life changes (e.g., a new job, a new partner) can impact and change a friendship. Change is challenging at the best of times so it's normal to feel sad that things are no longer what they were once. Your feelings are valid, and in any relationship, I think it's important to communicate what you're going through, your concerns and work together to find a solution while trying to meet half-way.

I can hear that you understand that your friend is busy right now, and that you don't want to push her away by being emotional as she is already distant. I think sometimes starting the conversation with how your feeling about having the conversation can be a good starter. For instance, 'I'm worried that what I'm going to say will make me emotional' or 'I'm going to struggle with what I'm about to say because I'm worried about...'

I also find using 'I' statements too can be useful. For instance, saying 'I miss you' rather than 'you never spend time with me' can be helpful because when 'you' statements can sound accusatory. Followed up with question, 'can we make some time to hang out?' This can give you and your friend an opportunity to find a solution.

Thanks for the support Cherrybomb. My friend came, but lots later than she said she would and I started to get paranoid that she really didn't want to spend time with me, however she stayed today much later than I thought she would, so it kind of evened out I guess. Maybe she read my body language and decided to make up for the disappointing start.

Anyway, we had a great 27 hours together and although I felt terrible as I watched her drive away, I now feel at peace and hoping the rest of the week goes ok.

Ellie.

@shanc

Hi Shanc

Rick here.

Just been reading your posts and my lord I am so sorry that you are constantly assaulted by the mother figure.

Just that term speaks volumes in relation to your illness and the pain you bare. I hope you know that you are not responsible for that person. She was supposed to be responsible for you. It is quite obvious that you have been left down and coldly hurt by this person.

Her denial of what is happening to you is a reflection of a deeper denial about her own behaviour.

Very brave and very smart to call your quack when you hit this crisis. I have my docs number and tho I hate to contact him I have on a couple of occasions and it's been the wise move.

I admire your bravery very much. You are obviously a person of enormous courage and strength. Tho you may not like to hear it. It is obvious from the tone of your posts. Whether you are aware of it or not you should know that it is this kind of courage and strength that others on this forum will take as a form of inspiration.

That's what we do here. Even when we are not at our best our example manages to helps others remember their strength.

I would truly love to give you advice to ease this stuff, but it's hardly my place to do so even if I had any .If only we could actually choose our families perhaps these things would'nt be. But we cant and the best we can do is acknowledge our own strength and power as adults because we are not the children that we once were.

All I can say is hang in and hang on. We are here to listen and support.

Hope is a force to drrive back the darkness

the big secret?

Hope endures.........

Rick

Hey Shanc. If anything I've said has helped in any way at all, then it turns the frown on my forehead into a smile on my lips. We're all here to support each other and that in itself is a great feeling when sometimes we feel that the outside world doen't know how we feel at all.

Incidentally, life is all ups and downs. I'm still working on self sabotaging my job, however I am feeling a bit better mentally. I've decided to cut right back on the amount of shifts I do starting early Feb and will try to stick to only 4 shifts a month. I'll really miss the comradery of working extra shifts, but I'm not longer sure who I can trust, so the less time I spend in the place, the better chance I have of dodging a sticky end to my career. The shift manager I trusted the most has stabbed me in the back and I feel like an outcast. It's only the support of a couple of the others that keeps me from serious harm right now. I think it's time to get back to my therapist!

Ellie.

@Ellie

Hi Ellie

If we can do nothing else we can at least minimise harm. And that's what you are doing.

Well bloody done!

You have acted rather than reacted and that is always a healthier option.

I wish I was better at it.

The simple act of caring for another is not only noble and good but serves as a distraction for the issues which plague ourselves..

Distraction is good.

If you continiue with this Ellieaction I believe management becomes simpler.

Simple is good.

You are good.

You set a fine example, thank you.

Hope endures

Rick

Hi @shanc

i think that is a fantastic list, and it sounds like you are really giving it a super go, You are certainly doing thee best that you can do, i have a list i use, which i hardly ever get to tick off things, however i think i am a bit to stringent on myself.

your top 2 items are excellent that you are ticking them off,

I always struggle with drinking..... it is one thing that if i catch up with people i find myself having one or two drinks just to manage being out of my comfort zone.

I think you are doing fantastic

Dear oh dear Rick. I'm not very good at taking compliments. I never feel I deserve them in the slightest, but thank you anyway. I'm feeling a bit flat lately, so haven't been contributing here much, however I'd just like to let you all know I'm thinking of you and wishing you all the very best.

Ellie.