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Something’s not right

TW: Depression

TW: Depression

TW: Suicide, SI, Self-Harm, ED

Hi everyone

new member here. Just trying to get some help on trying to pull myself out of crippling depression. Runs in the family and have had it for years but it’s getting to the point where it’s literally stopping me functioning.

I have a teenage daughter who it’s not fair to and I feel like such a failure in life, as a wife and mother and just as a human being in general. I’m battling a very serious illness also and have been for past 19 years now which is extremely hard and painful on me to.

I feel like everyone would be better off without me but I know that would ruin my daughter who was a living miracle. But I’m struggling and failing and could desperately use some hope. I self-harm with ED also. Just to many issues really. [edited by moderator]

TW: Suicide

Content/trigger warning
My nephew took his life to depression.



im after some tips of how to get out of the black hole im so deeply in.

please help Thk you

10 replies

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In response to: TW: Depression

Re: TW: Depression

Hey @sosad-666

I hear how sad you are and how you are reflecting on your life circumstances.

Have you found anything that has been even slightly helpful in the past e.g. treatments, strategies?

I have also been in a very very dark whole for a long time in my life. I never thought I'd get out of it. I was recommended ECT and TMS, but I never ended up doing it. I have to say, I also tried a lot of different medication and finally, one did the trick... because of Community Guidelines, I cannot name the specific medication. However, I'm sharing this because sometimes, we have to experiment with a few different things in order to find something that works - you probably have already!

Please continue to hang in there and be gentle with yourself. As you said, it is probably hereditary.

When I was very low, something else that gave me respite from life was either a short 2-3 day stay in hospital or a few weeks in a prevention and recovery centre (PARCs). If I was very acutely unwell, it was hospital. If I was able to work on recovery goes, then it was PARCs. I'm not sure if you have any of these step up step down clinics in your area.

Please know you are not alone. There are many here who are going through a deep dark place.

As hard as it is, focus on the things that keep you going, whether it's your daughter, family, pets, friends, hobbies.

You deserve it.

I hope to hear from you.

In response to: TW: Depression

Re: TW: Depression

Hi 👋🏼 welcome to the forum. Good for you reaching out.

There is a difference between feeling depressed and having Depression

If you have a family history of depression it is a condition, like being dyslexic or asthmatic.

I agree with @tyme it’s finding the right medication and the right dose that works for you.

I recently changed my medication and feeling much better.

G

In response to: TW: Depression

Re: TW: Depression

Hi @sosad-666

I have two teenage children. I too feel like such a failure at times also. I sometimes think the only reason I'm still here is because of them. I don't want to put them through the pain and suffering.

It is really hard living with depression, especially when it seems to take over every aspect of our life. I found that seeking help really did help me. Do you have any external supports?

Like the others I am on medication. It took me and my psychiatrist awhile to find the right mixture of meds for me. I still see myself as a work in progress.

Please know that you are not alone. There are plenty of members that will relate to you.

Take care of yourself and keep posting 💕

In response to: TW: Depression

Re: TW: Depression

Welcome, @sosad-666 ...I'm very sorry about your struggles with depression and your serious illness.

I know for me, medication saved my life and keeps me functioning.

Do you have any professional supports? Like a counsellor, meds, psychologist or psychiatrist?

You can type anything into the Search bar above to find threads on that topic. Also, a handy forum tip to tag someone is to type @ and then click on their name in the drop-down box - that way they'll get a notification that you've replied to them.



In response to: Re: TW: Depression

Re: TW: Depression

Hi snowie

I’m so sorry for your suffering it’s so terrible being a mother with depression, your children suffer right along with you. For more than a week I have not spoken or come out my room not even been alive really. I have an extremely life threatening health issues also so my daughter is so stressed about me as it is I feel so guilty adding more stress to her. She’s had to deal with more than a lot of other kids have and seen things kids shouldn’t have to with just my illness. Now add this I feel so guilt ridden and just miserable and a total failure. I see what I’m doing to her and she tells me worse.

How did you start to get treatment? GP? My illnesses makes everything so much worse. So much more difficult. I literally just hang on for her.

It’s a comfort to talk to people who understand as I have no one else to talk to.

I hope you are feeling much stronger and each day more positive. Being a mother to just one teenager is hard I can only imagine what 2 would be..

Thank you so very much for replying to me I really do appreciate it it means the world and helps. Just knowing I’m not alone is comforting in itself.

So thank you snowie, know that you have made me feel less alone

So sad

In response to: Re: TW: Depression

Re: TW: Depression

Hi Tyme

Thank you so deeply for your words I cannot tell you what they mean to me although I suspect you must already know how comforting it is just to hear for the first time from someone who is suffering as I am.

I can usually drag myself out because of the love of my daughter but she’s in those teenage years and I feel as though I have failed her and done what I said I would never do and damaged her as I was as a child. That guilt is to overwhelming and has been my final nail so to speak. I just cannot let history repeat itself…

Thank you for all your recommendations have thought of each of them but been to ashamed. So I end up cutting again after so many years.

I wrote here to try to get some help and guidance from others in the same hell as I am in and those who can only understand it.

Tonight I cooked which was good. Small but I haven’t moved in over 2 weeks. Or spoke. Or eaten. You know how it goes.

Each minute and hour is a step.

Thank you so much for responding to me and I really hope the sun shines brightly on you each day.


So sad

In response to: Re: TW: Depression

Re: TW: Depression

Hi Nature Lover

Thank you for reply

No I don’t, I haven’t confided in anyone but her. Yesterday I cooked which was more than I did in weeks after talking on here but today is 3 steps back again. My marriage isn’t great to add to all my worries.

I have a specialist neurologist I have told him that my health is making me depressed and I’m on an antidepressant but it’s more for pain than anything so doesn’t help. I’m to humiliated to admit. I know with everything I have been through he knows it’s totally normal but I just can’t bring myself to say just how bad it is and just how bad my life is really at the end of the day.
Just feel pointless my daughter doesn’t seem to want to know or want anything to do with me neither does my husband the more I try the more hurt I get. All I do is everything for them but get nothing back.

Sorry babbling really bad day.

Thank you for your words they are very much appreciated and are taken in.
SoSad

In response to: Re: TW: Depression

Re: TW: Depression

Hi Glisten
Thank you for your beautiful welcome. It’s so lovely.

This is my first step as mentioned. It’s only getting worse every day so I think I will have to reach out to my specialist neurologist for help. Balancing medications is hard with me and my condition unfortunately. But I will have to do something I can’t go on like this.
So many of you have had success stories i so wish for that. Just to be happy. I just can’t believe I here…

I was so bright and bubbly and happy. Seems like so very long ago. I fear the feel of losing my daughter has made it just tip the scale.

Thank you again for just reaching out that just makes me feel not so alone
Sosad

In response to: Re: TW: Depression

Re: TW: Depression

Hi @sosad-666

Just before I start, if you type @ then members names with come down and you can tag them. That means that they get a notification that they have responded to your post.

It is hard to surface sometimes. I find my bed a safe place to be and probably spend more time in there than I should. I'm sorry to hear about your illness. That would just add another layer of suffering for you.

I really believe that after what my kids have seen, heard and experienced because of me, that they have come away stronger. They have more empathy for people and a greater understanding of mental health. I'm sure your daughter does also and is growing into an amazing young adult. You have had a part in this. Be proud for that.

I started treatment through my gp. I went to her and got a referral to a psychiatrist. I also rang around to a few different psychology centre's, and made an appointment with a psychologist (you don't need a referral for that) asap.

Seeing your gp, you can also get a mental health care plan set up. This gives you 10(or 11) psychologist sessions per year for free. Your gp would be able to point you in the right direction.

I'm not sure that I could go through this without my supports. Yes I have my husband (who is a great support) but by speaking to a psychologist and psychiatrist I don't put so much onto him. I guess you could say that I don't burden him as much.

The other place where I found a wonderful support system is here. It is very comforting talking to people who have gone through similar things that I have. They understand, they can be there for me. There are times where I come on here and need that extra support, and other times where I can give that support to other members.
Thank you so very much for replying to me I really do appreciate it it means the world and helps. Just knowing I’m not alone is comforting in itself.

Please know that you are certainly not alone. Although we have different experiences, there are things we have in common too. When I first came onto these forums, I was told to keep talking. That just getting things out at times is so much better than bottling things up. That it can stop you from exploding. I encourage you to use these forums how you want to.

Sorry for the essay response!!! I hope today is going well for you 💕💕

In response to: TW: Depression

Re: TW: Depression

Hi @sosad-666

I totally get where you are coming from. I have been on the depression roll a coaster for 22 years, and had to put my daughter in her dads care 6 years ago after being the victim of domestic abuse. I couldn't look after her, as most days, I couldn't even get out of bed. I hated having to do that, but I knew I couldn't give her the healthy upbringing. And because of the DV, I loss my job for taking too many days off, so I couldn't afford to put food on the table or have a roof over her head.

The only way I have coped with my debilitating depression was through counselling. I went through 6 therapist before finding the one who got me. And knew how to word things, so that I would take notice. I suffered for 21 years with extreme guilt over my partner's suicide and she just happened to ask the right question and immediately I felt a massive weight lift off my shoulders. So my advice is to keep changing your therapist until you find one that you gel with.

I also attended workshops to learn about the lessons that I missed out on as a child, and effected the choices I have made as an adult. They are strong on self-care and positive thinking.

My peer group support workers sent me this link

https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Depression.

It has a workbook that you can do at your own pace. And there are other resources for a variety of mental health associated issues.

I am here if you need to chat 😊

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