Cats101Senior Contributor
I can't think
I can't think, my brain and mind are like a crumpled peice of paper, a bunch of scribbles and smudges, its all too much, I'm 20 years old don't have a job, don't know how to drive and a constant lazy burden, I just can't find it in myself to do anything, yet I'm expected too. I'm constantly told to find a job to apply my self out there too build up the courage and learn how to drive, but I'm scared, it's all to much, it hurts, but I want to hurt, I want to feel the sting, I want and need to feel pain, but I can't because they will notice, I need relief but I can't find it anywhere, I just want the peace you feel, like when your under water, you can't hear or feel anything, the perfect numbness, I've been in bed the last two days to feel that numbness, I just can't atain it, I can't tell my parents because they have there own things and worries, I don't want to buren them, to have to worry about me, but I just want it to all go away, I don't want to be worried about, I just want to be left alone, but it's impossible, it hurts, my brain is jumbled but one clear thought is in my head and that is that I want to hurt, I'm at the end of a cliff, there's a hand opposite to the cliff telling me to hold on, that it'll get better, but all I want to do is jump off that cliff and never wake up, what do I do ? , my parent suffer there own mental health, and both haven't been good, what will happen if I tell them, will they suffer because I tell them, will they start to down sprial, I can't have that, and yet my older sister seems to be the only one keeping the whole family together, which she shouldn't have too.