Rant 2.0

Hi @MarronButterFly

I just wanted to say that I think I've been through some similar things as you in terms of feeling numb and feeling like I'm a burden on everyone. So I just wanted to say that I hope you know you're not alone and that there are people out there who can relate to that feeling. And I hope you know that even though I don't know you I really hope you can get through this and that I care about you.

- HopeDream

Hello @MarronButterFly,

Opening up isn't an easy thing to do and even sharing on here can take a lot of courage, thanks for coming here and sharing this with us.

I'm getting from your post that you're feeling very disconnected from yourself and others and you second guess yourself a lot, you're struggling with intense feelings of numbness and emptiness. It seems like this is causing you quite a lot of stress and overwhelm which is completely understandable! It sounds like things are really hard right now. I'm sorry you're feeling so much 💜

I can relate to quite a bit of what you say as I have a lot of people pleasing tendencies and always struggle to know or find where I fit in with others. I also suffer volatile moods and sometimes never know what I am going to feel from day to day (mood disorder). One thing I have learnt is to give myself grace and extend myself kindness. It's okay to be unsure, to not please everyone, to feel different and to not fit in, it even has it's benefits sometimes. You deserve kindness from you.

I hope you know you can always talk about this stuff here and you're never a burden for opening up. There are people who care want to help, it's not too difficult and you're not too hard to deal with.

You mentioned opening up in person and online. By in person did you mean friends and family or with services and professionals, or both? Opening up is a daunting process regardless I think, for me I find some things I'm okay to talk about with my friends and family but other stuff I find a neutral person like counsellor or doctor is more helpful. What do you think?

@MermaidHair @Thank you for the kind words

man’s yeah when I mean opening up I kinda mean like telling my psychologist that I self harm and that was about it and then it all went back inside because that was too much I keep it all to myself like the reactions I get to it aren’t exactly the ones I’m looking for so it’s hard to keep telling people when all I get are shameful and ignorant responses from people I’m meant to trust so now I don’t tell anyone unless it’s anonymous

@MarronButterFly okay that is really tough, you shouldn't be getting shameful reactions from a psychologist, they should be a safe place for you to open up. I am sorry you're not being adequately supported there.

That is one of the benefits to seeking support online, remaining anonymous, keeping everything confidential and being able to reach more people who can relate better and understand, I'm glad you're reaching out here.

Have you ever tried the SANE phone service, maybe a chat with one of our peer support people would be good?

@MermaidHair If it’s talking on the phone I can’t do that lol i avoid phone calls at all costs