Living in uncertainty

Hi @Who-Knows, welcome to the forums!

It's not crazy at all to wonder if you might have BPD, especially if you find that you relate to the posts you're reading from others who live with BPD. Sometimes having a name for what you're experiencing can bring some relief and help you feel less alone. It's completely understandable to want an explanation for the chaos you're feeling in your head.

Waiting for a psychologist is hard, and trying to build a relationship with a new one is hard if you haven't clicked in the past. Maybe you can use the waiting time to set some goals for what you want to get out of the sessions when they do come up. It's ok to put yourself in the driving seat. In the meantime, you'll always find a welcoming ear here.

@espressologic Thank you for the validation, I was recommended to come look at the Sane forums and it was a good recommendation.

Hey @Who-Knows

Uncertainty is tough! Good on you for doing your research, and being able to put a name on what you are feeling. I have a couple of diagnosis's, BPD included. And yes the chaos in one's head is a lot isn't it. The good news is that treatments like DBT are now available. I hope the psychologist's appointment comes up soon and you can find someone you gel with.

Hi @Who-Knows

Am so glad that you find value in the Forums and that you can identify with the people on here. That is the best thing about this place, we all have issues but knowing that you are not the only one, gives you a little bit of strength. We learn from each other, and if that little bit of advice that someone shares, works for you, then thats even better.

Being finally able to put a name on what is happening with you must be a sense of release. The waiting game is very annoying, but you seem to have figured what makes you click, so continue to look after yourself. Take care.......Asgard

Hi @Who-Knows ,

Uncertainty is so unbelievably hard to deal with. (For me at least) It's scary, it can feel hopeless and how do you make plans for improving the quality of your life? (rhetorical).

I have huge problems with this conundrum. With help and practise, I am trying to focus on the here and now, kind of mindfulness I guess, because I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER MY FUTURE (shouting to "the universe" for making life so difficult), so worrying about all the "what ifs" is adding to my stress and anxiety without actually being useful any way, shape or form.

I have been diagnosed as BPD in the past, but all the latest diagnoses are for complex PTSD. I share the crazy, overwhelming and confusing things in my mind though.

I hope that you can see the psychologist soon, (and poos to the people who didn't listen or take you seriously). I'm also hoping that someone identifying with your feelings makes you feel less alone or "weird". Of course everybody's experience and the way that it affects us is different, but just as valid.

Be kind to yourself. 🙂

@Who-Knows

"It's been a rough few years to say the least, feels like I may be out of the worst of it but every time my hopes get up something goes wrong."

Sounds like you have gone through a tough patch lately. It is so important to keep your hope strong... as that is what will get you out of bed every day. Hope is the fuel for your recovery. This forum is a great place for getting support and understanding from others who feel just like you.

Would you like to share what things have gone wrong to have dashed your hopes? Often talking about these things can help to soften the blow....and may give you insight while you wait to see a psychologist.

Hi @Who-Knows welcome to the forum. How are you? hope you will have a great relief after meeting psychologist. Waiting is hard. But you will get best. So wait for best. We are with you.

Hi @OM108,

Thank you foe the support, this is the first time I've "publically" talked about what I struggle with I tend to hide it from most.

The last month or so has been better in the grand scheme on things 2023 was full of depression, death in the family, financial hardships, and I completely cut my biological family off in late 2022 and most of the friendship circle I had at the time.

It felt like 2023 took all my hope for better and pilled on bad situation after bad situation.

How do you know what normal feels like when you've lived in a state of reactivity and anxiety your hole life? Doing things to please others and avoid being perceived when it goes wrong? (Bith rhetorical questions)

I'm working to simply embrace the uncertainty and take the good where I can.

@Who-Knows ,

I relate to so much of your posts. It's so glad to feel comforted that we are not alone.

I'm not saying you have BPD, but I do.

In therapy, one of the hardest things was to sit with unpleasantness and uncertainty. Yet this is also one of the very skills that will get you through. Rather than turning it inward to unhelpful thoughts or self-harm, allowing yourself to be okay when things are NOT okay, is a skill.

I'm here if you need a chat. I feel I'm all over the BPD realm....

And, I should add, I'm in a much much much better place. So recovery is very possible.