To hell and back. TW:self harm

Trigger warning: mentions previous self harm & drug use.

So, back in the day my public psychiatrist told me I was the area's "leading borderline" and no, she didn't mean that as a compliment. She meant I was the area's worst borderline. I was in and out of hospital with self harm all the time. I was a borderline back in the days when the culture in hospitals amongst the staff was even worst than it is today. I could tell you some stories. I had to get my needs met by being more of a pain in the arse for them to ignore rather than treat! [edited by moderator] And she has now been treating me for 25 years. When it comes to my diagnosis of borderline personality disorder I well and truly earnt my stars and stripes. Compounding the problem, my past self-harm [edited by moderator] caused long bouts of psychosis. That had some pretty dire effects. Things were really bad for a really long time. But...it's been a long time since I self harmed [edited by moderator]. Along the way I did therapy's like DBT and I had long stints in mental health rehab wards.

These days I am both case managed and have the NDIS. I got really lucky with my NDIS plan this year and have lots of support. In a lot of ways things are going pretty great and for that I am grateful. But there are still problems. I don't have many friends. I am going to groups online to try and make some but it's slow going. And I don't have a job. My case manager says I should study Peer Work and I am considering it but in a lot of ways I feel too damaged to be good for anything. I'm trying to work out how to word the following without coming off like a bitch: I have noticed a lot of Peer Workers have stuff like a bit of situational depression which has qualified them for Peer Work - they are not raging borderlines with a psychosis problem 😛 How damaged do you have to be to be too damaged goods for the job role created for your type?! If that even makes sense.

All in all I guess my problems pale in comparison to what they once were but I still feel alone...