BlueBaySenior Contributor
My dad
Hi everyone @tyme
and all my forum friends
thanks @tyme for emailing me tonight.
I have appreciated you checking in on me.
some of you know my background as I’ve been on here for quite a few years. tonight I thought I need to come back for some support.
I’ve been estranged from my parents a few times now over the past 13 years. All because I spoke out about my childhood abuse.
I’ve been estranged from my parents for a year again. I had to put a boundary up for my own mental health. Because of my controlling manipulative mother. She’s a narcissist.
while no contact I was not bad. Not having to hear her voice, emotional abuse and horrible verbal abuse. Enough was enough. I just couldn’t take it anymore.
but the biggest problem was not seeing my poor dad. He is stuck and has never stood up for himself or his children.
fast forward to last week - I received a phone call from a relative to say that I should see my dad. I asked questions but was given no real answers. I decided to call and visit my parents.
again I was refused. Also two weeks ago my dad has surgery to remove tumour. All my siblings were notified EXCEPT me. No one contacted me.
he is having more surgery tomo and because of his age 87 it’s not looking good. He has other medical issues too.
apparently my mum decided to not let me know because I didn’t go to see them for a year or their birthdays or Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. And dad sat there and didn’t say a word.
im feeling very upset angry hurt abandoned rejected and kicked in the guts.
I’ve been crying a lot since last week. I’m dissociating. My psych has seen me twice last week, Monday this week and now wants to see me this Friday as well.
I can’t get my dad’s face out of my head. I’m not sleeping properly.
ti make things even more terrible - about two weeks ago I had a horrible dream of me attending my dads funeral. I could see him in a coffin at the church.
I’ve been trying to process it all but it’s hard.
im taking it day by day. I don’t know how tomorrow will be.
Don’t know what to do.
