Childhood trauma

Hey beautiful human beings, I'm trauma0 with a lot of built up sadness anger and hatred towards the world and towards the people who hurt me, I haven't been a normal kid since I was 5 years old after my pop died, I then turned 7 when the bad things started to happen it continued until I was 18 and then I got out, but now that I've been mentally screwed up I haven't been able to love my partner the way he deserves to be loved, I can't give him privacy I've always got to look over his shoulder or snoop through his phone or his consoles to make sure his not cheating, I know that's a privacy issue but that's based on the fact that I've been through so much trauma that I don't have 100% faith in him to be loyal and to not cheat you know and I love him to bits but some of the things he does send me back to my past where Im traumatized from males and some of the things that males have done to me should not be said but you all probably get the jist of where that's heading, my story is crazy and effed up my story is long so apologies in advance 🙂