Hey there @Staceace111 🌺🙂
I’m really sorry to read what you’re going through right now, it sounds really difficult ❤️🩹
I have been in a similar position with feeling very distressed and searching around for means to recover, like feeling around the floor of a dark room endlessly.
I have also used alcohol in the past to buffer the pain, the rawness of hurt, and aftershock of breakdown, which eventually became its own form of harm insomuch as it didn’t help my brain in the medium and longer term for recovery, and after the initial stages of my breakdown, it was contributing to the SI/SH thoughts - I think because my brain was consistently dealing with the effects of alcohol toxicity to some degree, which didn’t allow it to be cellularly healthy.
However, the transitioning from a not so helpful coping mechanism to some better, more physically and emotionally healthy coping mechanisms wasn’t easy.
Finding things that gently nurture you along, day by day, could be helpful… I found that just insulating myself from emotional sensitivities with doing little things to protect myself from thinking endlessly about my situation was very healing. I made sure to eat breakfast - even though I struggled to get out of bed - drink enough water, and at least have a meal at the end of the day, to give my brain and body the stuff it needed 🌺
I also found little things, like a 30 min conversation with a MH support service, when not in crisis, just to have someone hear me a little bit, and just show some sympathy, also helped.
I also did colouring in of mandalas, some drawing, some story writing (I don’t journal well so I write short stories based on events I have experienced to externalise them), sewing, cooking biscuits..just a little thing each day, to get my brain working on something other than distress, and to get my body moving, and also to g ie me some emotional respite from what’s happened to me.
I did feel that everyone was against me - the emotional sensitivity I had was extreme, and I had very little buffer zone/boundary for tolerating anything but the most gentle approaches by health professionals.
I constantly worried about things I usually wouldn’t worry about, which then made me incredibly anxious (I was checking doors and windows often to make sure nobody was able to come in).
taking it slowly, not rushing myself, but trying each day to make a change, and not berating myself if I didn’t make change that day, was how I recovered.
it may feel almost impossible, but I can say with confidence that recovery can happen 🙂🌺
Holding space for you, and here for you if you’d like to chat.
I hope hearing some of this has been helpful, and it helps with not feeling so isolated in an emotionally distressing situation 💜🌺
tag me using ‘@‘ if you’d like to 🙂
🦩🌺