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Having a Purpose

Daisy_princessCasual Contributor04 Jan 2017, 2:27 pm AEDT

Having a Purpose

Hi, this is my first post as a newbie, thanks in advance for reading it 🙂 I am 51 years old and have struggled with anxiety and depression since primary school. Initially at primary school I was very shy which did develop into social anxiety. I took this anxiety with me into high school and found it very difficult to adjust. I began to miss a lot of time by both "wagging" and feeling sick and even physically harming to have a "real" problem that I could be believed to have had. I continued high school to year 11 and passed it by the skin of my teeth. With the anxiety I would always go blank on tests and exams and this would start the process of depression and low self esteem, with the black dog at my heels telling me I have no brains, I wouldn't be able to make a career out of any choices that I pondered about and Teachers advised me that I would have difficulties if I went on to Year 12 and that it would be in my best interest to leave and obtain a job.

At present, I am struggling with the fact that I haven't worked for 14 years due to being a "stay at home mum" of two ( apart from doing a little volunteer work from time to time). I have progressed with my social anxiety and now capable of doing a course in that respect except depression and chronic tiredness and the struggle with concentration and memory are the new obstacles along with age and the fact that I have a degenerative eye disease which in an unknown timeframe I will become "legally blind" (not that it would impede on my ability to work in a suitable role) but nevertheless it plays a part in trying to obtain a position as I have unfortunately experienced. I no longer am able to drive and as that was a way of managing some of my anxiety (not having to take public transport) I am finding it difficult to motivate myself to and to venture out and live life.

My depression envelopes me with the feelings of missing windows of opportunity and although I know being a parent is one of the most important purposes in life and I am definitely grateful for the miracle of children, but one day they will stretch their wings and I will no longer have that purpose.

Thanks for the opportunity to vent!

- Daisy_princess ❤️

4 replies

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In response to: Having a Purpose

Unknown userMember04 Jan 2017, 4:13 pm AEDT

Re: Having a Purpose

Hello @Daisy_princess,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for contributing in your first thread

It sounds like you have been living with depression and anxiety for most of your life, which no doubt can be overwhelming and debilitating at times. It is great to hear that you have made progress with the social anxiety you experience, despite having some recent difficulties with depression, tiredness, concentration and memory. What sort of support do you have at the moment?

Sorry to hear about your degenerative eye disease, it must be hard not knowing a timeframe in which you will be "legally blind" and the changes and adjustments that go along with this. It is understandable that you have been struggling to find the motivation to venture out and live life. Are there things that you enjoy doing?

Feeling as though there are missing windows of opportunity can be really difficult to sit with, however it sounds as though you have spent your time raising children, which as you said can be one very important purpose in life. They will one day stretch their wings and leave the nest, however that does not mean you no longer have that purpose. You will always be a mother, the role just changes into a different one which can be just as enjoyable as when they are more dependant on you

I hope you found the opportunity to vent helpful and look forward to seeing more posts and updates from you.

In response to: Having a Purpose

Unknown userMember04 Jan 2017, 4:28 pm AEDT

Re: Having a Purpose

hello @Daisy_princess

Firstly welcome to this safe haven.

we are all able to share what is bothering us at the time of writing our posts and sometimes even when we respond to someone if we can relate.

You have certainly had some challenges throughout your life.

I have had major depression for the majority of my life so over 50 years.

i also was very shy throughout my school years. I did not suffer anxiety at that time. The depression overrode everything. moving through fog.

I did commence a career when I was 17 and continued in that field mostly up until a few years ago. I had many days off, had stays in hospital, changed jobs, studied went back to same field.

I have had different psychiatrists over the years due to some reprieve on my part, my ignoring my illness returning, self-medicating because neither my clinical psychologist or gp heard my plea for help. i now have been with my psychiatrist now in the last 2-3years. He works with me the way I want him to. I steer the sessions.

I am not sure how old your children are but know that if you have been a stay at home mum your children have grown up with you with your illnesses. they know you better than anyone else.

I want to say to you that if and when your children stretch their wings, you will not lose purpose. You have brought them to where they are. You have given your love. They will always know that.

None of us as parents have guarantees of how our children will be towards us when they leave the family nest, if they will continue seeing us, keep in contact. These are all unknowns and out of our control.

We have given them our love and that will stay with them whether they choose to remember or not.

As far as finding fulfillment in your life I cannot help you with that. I can only suggest you contact some of the organisations listed on this site.

A good starting point would be to ring the sane australia phone no listed in the right hand corner of this page ph: 1800187263

I wish you well in another chapter of your story, stay in touch with us here.

In response to: Having a Purpose

utopiaSenior Contributor04 Jan 2017, 8:07 pm AEDT

Re: Having a Purpose

@Daisy_princess. What a great post. Lots of points you raised affect many of us.
I've just been declared well enough to find a job - after being on Workcover for over 2 years.
My confidence is not high. And I'm worried about my memory problems and how that will affect any job I get. I also have sensitivities to perfumes and certain chemicals.
I'm lucky that workcover has provided me with a rehabilitation worker who is helping me find suitable employment.
Centrelink has also connected me with a job network provider who helps people with disabilities find work. MI is a disability.
I'm very hopeful they can help me find a job where I will be safe - no triggers & no perfume & where they are supportive of my depression and anxiety.
Could you write a couple of lists - to help you with finding a job.
One list - you can write the obstacles you have. Eg: anxiety, public transport, eye condition, etc.
Then next to each point - write down how each of these issues can be overcome.
eg- no license - but public transport close by.
Then on another page - list your attributes.
Eg: articulate, good time management, multitasking. Maybe you are good at baking, proof reading, attention to detail.
Ask friends to help you with this list - if you are struggling. You will be amazed at how your attributes list is alot longer than your limitations list.
Being a full time mum means you are good at so many things. Most of the tasks mum do everyday, transfer well into the workforce.
Maybe ask Centrelink if you could be set up with a disability job search provider.
Part time work may be good to start with.
Once you get started - your confidence will grow.
I can't wait to hear how you get on.
Oh by the way - I think I just landed a 6 week temping job. I find out tomorrow.

In response to: Having a Purpose

espritSenior Contributor05 Jan 2017, 8:27 am AEDT

Re: Having a Purpose

Hi I can say that even without MI going back out to the workforce after years of being a stay at home mum is daunting. Maybe start off by doing a course in something your interested in. Build yourself up with small achievements. Good luck to you. You are probably stronger than you think. Best wishes x

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