Loosing a Fantasy

Today I finally realised that I've been living in a fantasy world.
I thought I had reconnected to an old friend - my first love.
I thought we had been building a new friendship.
But this so called friendship was one sided. It was all one through social media. I had no phone number, no email, no address for this friend.
I could leave a message for him, but ultimately, I had to wait days for him to reply.
And I waited. Why? Why did I accept this as a basis for our so called friendship?
I guess it comes down to a need. So what need was I trying to fill?
Friendship. Love.
I guess I had a fantasy in my head of how we would fall in love - after all this time - & that old cliché of living happily ever after.
So why did I, a 46 year old, intelligent woman, who hasn't dated for years - fall for a fantasy? And not realise at the time that that's all it was?
Have I been alone for too long? Am I lonelier than I thought? Am I desperate?
I don't really know the answers to my own questions.
And as I lay here crying - because I'm sad, because it hurts, because ot never was what I thought it was - I just feel so stupid and lonely.
But I am a strong woman. This is not the hardest thing I've ever had to face - it's not even close.
So tonight I will mourn for what never was.
And tomorrow I'll take this as a lesson for the journey that I am on.
And I will pray that from now on, I will see things clearly, with my eyes open. And at the same time, I will still keep my heart open for love.