Topic Tuesday // Forming Habits // 17 Jan. 7pm AEDT

Hi @earth, how about making your intention public? Not just here but creating some sort of accountability with friends and family so you feel that you have to practise or you'll be publicly letting yourself down. You could be really courageous and tell a few people close to you that you'd like to perform for them in a month. Then you may find the motivation to practice or come out in a cold sweat at the thought of performing!

In general, creating accountability works. If you wear a pedometer/activity tracker, network it to some friends so that your movement is visible to others. Not wanting to be bottom of the leader board can be the additional motivation you need. Or tell your facebook friends your goal. Have people check with you how you're going. This doesn't work for everyone (some of us simply rebel!) but it can certainly work for some.

Requires bravery though 🙂

@Former-MemberCan I thank you for doing this forum, its really weird tht I saw this today flash up on my Facebook, especially after my session with my Psych.

nyway this is the way I am my own worst enemy and I need to get out of it. I will look, I will book things and then I will make internal excuses to not go. Its the same with friends, I was gloing tok have a housewarming, then I got embarrsed that hardly anyone was going to show up and then they would think (as it was new friends from work) why has she not really got any friends....so I cancel stuff and I can be flakey and not follow through on things. I wasn't always like this. Its since my hub died and then I was with an a hole and well Ive had two years of being a bit flakey and unable to stcik to stuff, unless it involves my job. So yes, I will take your advice and maybe not book a whole heap of things, just one thing at a time.

I did go to an art exhibition the weekend just gone and it was great.

I wrote this blog @Former-Member with a few ideas. Hopefully other members will have some thoughts too.

Some things I think help with creating new habits or breaking old ones:

- Simple, realistic goals

- Be patient and resilient. It's not likely to go smoothly so you need to be willing to keep trying and to work at it as long as needed.

- Monitor whatever you're trying to do. So maybe keep a diary that you take to your psych or discuss with family and friends. Monitoring helps to remind us about what we've achieved already and can shore up our motivation when it wavers.

More to come....

That's a perfect illustration @Drdoolittle of how success breeds success. Hopefully that memory of the gallery (well done you!) will make it easier next time.

You've had such a tough time of things that you also need to be very gentle and understanding with yourself. Not to the point of allowing yourself out of everything but in keeping your expectations modest and talking very kindly to yourself when it just seems too hard. The goal is to build yourself back up, never to tear yourself down.

Hello @Shaz51, how're you today? Where are you at with resolutions? Giving any a crack?

That reminds me, I forgot to say hello to all the people who registered. So, belatedly, hi to @BlueBay, @Former-Member, @Former-Member, @Former-Member, @TAB, @Kombibob, @Astrid, @Learninggrowing, @Verit, @CannonSalt and @Cazlyn. We're having a chat about resolutions now.....

Thank you, yes it was really great. I went with a work mate and he loved it too, and had said that he never does things like that and wanted to do it with me. It was lovely and different and teh art was just my cup of tea. I also asked the guy doing it if he offers art classes and he said yes (art was my passion in my youth) he took my details down. It made me feel really good for going and doing it and not cancelling on it. Was really last minute spomntanious which seems to be the way for me to do things and not cancel!

I really aprreciate your understanding. I'm going to try and get there this year and am even currentky speaking to a lovely guy.

Another thing to consider is that we really need to base resolutions and habits on self-knowledge. I lost count of the number of years I kept expecting myself to get up early and exercise. I'm a night-owl/problem sleeper so this was always doomed to failure. But still, I thought that was the only way. By finally linking exercise to an unavoidable commute, that doesn't require setting the alarm clock earlier, I've got moving regularly.

So don't set yourself up to fail by working against fairly fundamental aspects of yourself. Anyone else fallen into this trap?