Enforced non-dating.

@utopia I believe LTR is a long term relationship.

Hi @notmyrealname1

It really comes down to if the desire to couple is driven by dependency or mutual respect and love. The biological part is sexual. The two are very different. Ofcourse when love is present it's a natural progression - if dependency or lust is the case some can become abused and very hurt - even if they think at the time that's what they want. They may even mistakingly think it's love and many scars can result.

I don't know your background but I am assuming you have been told to find yourself first and grow within, in order to be ready for any type of intimate relationship; giving yourself time to heal and grow; perhaps because your past relationships have been somewhat unhealthy, abusive, toxic, hurtful and/or obsessive resulting in low self esteem or due to it??? Perhaps you are enforcing singledom to prevent being hurt or hurt again??Being hurt by others this way can cause significant mental scars/disorders if bad enough or happening for long enough.

If I am correct my daughter has been through and is going through the same thing. She has just broken free from an abusive relationship (psychological abuse and she has suffered sexual abuse in the past);and seems to get drawn in my males and females whom end up using her and hurting her mental, physically and emotionally because she has low self esteem.

She needs to become aware of this to not allow herself to be harmed again in such a way. This is where she needs to work on herself first. Heighten her self esteem and self respect in order to not allow toxic relationships. If she rushes into impulsive relations based on the drive for co-dependency (because she cannot be on her own) she is a target to once again be abused, form further toxic relations and be further harmed. This can destroy a person, their self esteem and is no small matter.

She definitely needs to stay away until she strengthens in herself and grows. If you relate to any of the traits, experiences or issues above it would be wise to resist the biological impulse. There has been scientific studies which resulted in the findings that numerous/prolonged impulsive sexual relations which have no basis in mutual respect and long term nurturing, resulted over time in those individuals experiencing feeling very "empty" and as a result suffered depression, anxiety, worthlessness, mental health issues (for as much as we like to think that is just fun - many can come away feeling insignificant as individuals as we are repeatedly tossed away or toss away when finished with....Low self esteem results).

That is my thoughts on it. Hope some of it helps xx

P.S. Redeeming qualities are in the eye of the beholder. What is appealing to some may not be to others. What some see attractive such as physical appearance (chemistry being the ultimate relationship deal maker ), good job and financial status; others may see as primarily attractive is what lies in the heart of the person. Those redeeming qualities that make a relationship last such as mutual respect, shared values/goals, trust, loyalty, faithfulness, honest communication, sense of humour, good heartedness and genuinely caring about the welfare and happiness of the other as much as their own. A heart of gold is the redeeming treasure in my humble opinion.

Hi @notmyrealname1,

I haven't had an experience with enforced non-dating, but I did go through a period of complete celibacy for around 18 months, at one point. I believe this experience helped me to re-evaluate what I really wanted in a partner and made me feel more comfortable with myself. The celibacy thing kind of "just happened" to me.

I guess I'm wondering why your dating app experiences were leaving you feeling so distressed? I'm asking this because a friend of mine is doing a lot of internet dating right now and she seems to be having a great time... meeting a lot of nice men (although no-one really compatible, yet.)

Enjoy your holiday in the sun. I'm sure that looking at members of the opposite sex is kind of unavoidable!