Break up

Hey there @Bafflelaffle ,

I'm sorry to hear that it's been so tough for you. Your feelings are absolutely valid. I hear how much you care about her and her children.

It sounds like she has her own trauma to work through and that this is not necessarily your fault at all.

When things settle down, would you consider speaking to her? It may clarify some of the questions you have.

Please know you are not alone.

Hi @Crystally

I appreciate your perspective and it does bring some comfort to know that sometimes people are going through their own stuff and unhealed wounds. In a way, it helps me find compassion for the journey that she is on.

thank you

Hi @tyme

Thank you for your kind words.

She ended up messaging last night to apologise and we left the conversation on amicable grounds.

I have hope that when the past has healed, there will be an opportunity for us to have a meaningful conversation about everything.

That sounds so important @Bafflelaffle .

I'm wondering if she is going through something very difficult at the moment and is breaking up so as to protect you (or themselves)? Or, perhaps there's some unresolved fear?

I hope you have the opportunity to work through things in a way that both benefit.

We look forward to hearing how things go for you.

@tyme I think there has been fear of abandonment (and anxious attachment) throughout our relationship and one of the main reasons for the break up is because she didn't have energy or space to work on our relationship while also working on herself and being a mum. And she was afraid of being vulnerable with me, because she felt there was a lot at stake (being that kids were involved). There was a point where I mentioned that I kept having these thoughts of breaking up because we were both struggling with burnout and I was at a point where I was feeling depressed and that validly hurt her a lot. We both said that we were going to work on our relationship before our break up, but she had trouble forgiving past hurts and moving forward.

Thank you. I have hope that things will work out how they're meant to.

I'm glad she was open and honest. At least that clarifies things on your part. It sounds like she knows she's got a lot to work through and doesn't want to burden you with it on top of your own difficulties.

@Bafflelaffle The future is the future.

Fingers crossed that things work out for you just as they should 🙂

ah @Bafflelaffle break ups are so messy and hard and hurtful even when they happen on the best grounds. I'm sorry that it's been tricky for you and by the sounds of things she has her own stuff going on (having two kids is a lot to manage as well as being a person)

How did the break up occur? Did you get much closure from that conversation or is it something you are hoping to revisit in time?

Hi @Jasper_123,

Thank you.

Unfortunately, the break up happened over message. So the last time I saw her in person, I genuinely thought we were going to be working on our relationship. I think the last message did bring some comfort, but it's something that I'd hope to revisit in time when things have healed.