UndecidedSenior Contributor
Germs, mess and anxiety
I'm really struggling. I can't stop myself from stressing and getting overly anxious about germs and mess. It's causing huge issues in my marriage. I just can't stop myself. Every little spill, a few crumbs, cat hairs, or slightly dirty shoes can often tip me over the edge and I need to clean it immediately. If my husband doesn't do something neatly or clean his messes up immediately, I struggle to stop my anxiety from bubbling up, and I'll either clean up after him (and can't stop myself getting annoyed while doing it), telling him to do (or not to do) things that I think are common sense, or if I'm really in a high state of anxiety, which is every day now, I yell, mainly because I feel he's not listening to me or always forgetting things. I know it's wrong and if I want things done to my standards then I have to do it myself. I just can't seem to keep those standards up when I get so fatigued all the time (I don't even have a job or kids, which is embarrassing). I find myself feeling the need to disinfect anything my husband has touched with dirty hands, asking (well maybe more demanding) him to clean his feet before getting into bed, disinfecting our phones every day, it's just exhausting. I have become so high strung (my husband's words) that I don't even feel like I know how to relax anymore. If a piece of clothing falls on the ground, i need to re wash it, if we have sat somewhere outside of the house, we can't sit on the couch, because it'll send me into a panic, if my husband doesn't wash his hands before touching anything in the kitchen, it'll send me into a sort of rage. I raise my voice all the time because I'm panicked and then I'll feel so guilty I can't stop crying. It's destroying me and my marriage. Even now while I'm writing this, I feel my entire body is so tense and my mind is so fatigued. I don't know what to do.
