Hello.
The house situation sounds tricky. Being in a location that is less than our expectations I imagine would be difficult and consuming. What a conundrum....
Your wife does sound like a good person, and the way you talk about her sounds like you'd like things to be better, maybe more like it was or could be. Have you asked her how she'd like to help to reconstruct the relationship with you to achieve shared goals? Sounds like she's interested in continuing things, taking on a house together is usually a sign of trust.
We all need to acknowledge, taking on a debt is stressful in itself. Debt is a long term commitment. The first period of purchases may seem not very rewarding, it will resolve itself over time.
Buying a house is unbelievably stressful, it takes time to find our roots in the new house. Making the space our own is challenging. Adaptation doesn't have a correct route. You do sound like you're finding a way, maybe expectations about time have been more than a little unforgiving to yourself.
If the space isn't "bonding" as the way you like, maybe think about how you can help make your space fit within a different environment. Local councils usually have a community gardening program. Making streets and parks nicer for everyone. Maybe volunteering one or two hours a week/fortnight/month might help create the wider community space more your space. I live near some sand dunes. Our council has a dune conservation and rehabilitation planting group. For me knowing I've added to the area has made me feel more connected to both people and building a physical connection to a chunk of land .
This works for me, might not be the right fit for you. Would helping build a community space to be shared at the local kindly or school help create some connections for you?
Keep well, please remember, adaptation takes time and there really isn't a correct way or time.
