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Flea infestation causing tension with family and stress

UndecidedSenior Contributor23 Feb 2024, 10:27 am AEDT

Flea infestation causing tension with family and stress

This has been causing me a huge amount of anxiety and stress for months. My brother in laws dog has had fleas for a long time and it has lead to a bad flea infestation at my mother in laws place where they are living. We haven't been in the house since Christmas (I found out about the fleas then) and avoided seeing them since then. Am I being over the top? They both think I'm being ridiculous, and even my husband thinks I'm being over the top but does understand my concerns. We have cats ourselves and the thought of bringing fleas home is causing me so much stress because I know how difficult it is getting rid of them. By brother in law has said he's been feeling fleas jump on him in bed (where his dog also sleeps) for so long. He has tried a few things like flea powder and bathing his dog a couple times but I know he's not vacuuming, washing bedding often etc. He also hasn't given his dog a flea treatment for months, my mother in law has never given one to her cats, and she refuses to use flea bombs in her house. This has caused so much tension. I have tried talking at length to my brother in law about it, and he does end the conversations by saying he'll buy the treatments etc that day, but when I speak to him days later, he still hasn't. His birthday is coming up and he wanted us to meet up with him and then bring his dog home for him as he wants to go out drinking afterwards, and I said we would if he got the fleas under control by then, but despite trying to remind him and talk to him about it for weeks, he still hasn't. I told him that I'm really sorry but we can't if he didn't get rid of the fleas. He has said things a few times now making me feel guilty, like 'I'm going to have to take him all the way home and go back out again' or 'I might not be able to bring him. It'll be disappointing not having him there with me'. He also has no problem bringing his dog everywhere including to his friends houses and interacting with their pets. This honestly makes me angry and upset. Now he's said we'll just catch up next week and I'm stressing about bringing fleas home then. We can't keep avoiding them forever but I don't know what to do. After we were there at Christmas I was so itchy, and when we saw him just though the window the other week, my husband got itchy (but says it was just a coincidence). Am I being ridiculous? I don't know what to do. It literally keeps me up at night.

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In response to: Flea infestation causing tension with family and stress

defaultusernameSenior Contributor01 Mar 2024, 3:07 pm AEDT

Re: Flea infestation causing tension with family and stress

Hi @Undecided,

I'm just checking in to see how you are feeling this week?

I hope that you're feeling somewhat better, as I know all too well how frustrating it can be to witness neglect of an animal and try your hardest to help as best you can. As well as how difficult it can be to set healthy boundaries for yourself, with it potentially causing more issues with those that we love.

You should be proud of yourself for caring for the dog and for yourself. It's so easy to be seen as selfish, when really we are just trying to protect ourselves and/or our own homes.

I'm wondering if you have someone in your life to speak to about the stress this has caused/is causing you?

I hope you have found time to be kind to yourself in the meantime,

defaultusername

In response to: Re: Flea infestation causing tension with family and stress

UndecidedSenior Contributor01 Mar 2024, 3:53 pm AEDT

Re: Flea infestation causing tension with family and stress

@defaultusername Thank you for checking in. He has assured me, again, that he will buy the flea treatment today. I guess we'll see if it actually happens this time. I know he has his issues, but it astounds me that he really doesn't seem to think it's a big deal.

Even if he does buy the treatment today, I can almost guarantee that my mother in law won't buy them for her cats and will probably refuse to treat them. Neither of them are making the effort to rid their house of fleas and vacuum every day etc. I just don't know what to do when Easter is coming up at the end of the month and I'm pretty certain they won't be able to get rid of the fleas before then.

I have a couple of friends and other family members (who don't speak to them) that I can talk to, Most of them have just told me things like 'What can you do?' or 'Just don't go there and let your husband go by himself' (which I stress even more about because I know he'll have no problem even hugging the dog and bringing the fleas home and in our car).

Thank you. I'm really struggling to be honest.

In response to: Re: Flea infestation causing tension with family and stress

defaultusernameSenior Contributor01 Mar 2024, 4:14 pm AEDT

Re: Flea infestation causing tension with family and stress

That's a good sign if he did say he would, hopefully the situation can at least improve before Easter.

Because it does sound like he may be struggling, perhaps you could ask him if he feels he needs some outside support? There may be a support service or program that could help him?

I'm glad that you have some people to speak to, it's important we let things out when it's overwhelming us because as they say “a problem shared, is a problem halved”.

But as great as having our personal supports are, the same can be said for mental health professionals, and sometimes having that balance can be really beneficial. I'm wondering how it would feel if you reached out to a counsellor or therapist? So that you're not carrying all of this by yourself.

I'm very sorry that you are struggling right now, please know that you're not alone and that if you ever feel you're in need of some extra support I'd be more than happy to list some services for you.

Wishing you all the best,

defaultusername

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