Thanks @Former-Member. I think we're doing OK.
I was talking with her about how she's lost touch with what's "normal". That a trip to the Emergency Ward, particularly with ambulances and police involved, is a crisis situation for most people. So for her new housemates, that equalled four crises in the space of a couple of weeks.
I don't think she can see that there's nothing "only" about an ambulance level emergency. I've only once been taken to hospital in an ambulance, and have only ever needed Emergency Ward treatment three times in my life.
Hassle is, our own concept of "normal" gets a bit skewed too. If one of our other "kids" was sent to Emergency, I'd at least be in regular contact with them via phone; if it looked serious, or if they wanted our support, we'd be traveling in to them if possible.
You can't do that when the "emergencies" are so frequent. We can't keep her safe; we probably wouldn't be helping by being there because it might escalate the sense of "medical crisis", and the attention that circles around such situations seems to be something she's got an unconscious psychological craving for. So our default is to check how she is, and if it's something easily "fixed", leave it at that.
We pretty much try to carry on with our normal plans as much as possible. So QED, we'll shortly be heading out to our town's carols evening. Going into a tailspin panic and dropping everything else would only make the situation worse by leaving us less functional.
We do know that, regardless, this is all wearing us down. But it's not a sudden shock crisis. Using a current analogy, it's like living with the knowledge that a bushfire is over the next hill, but it's been there for the past fortnight, and life has to go on... so you readjust your day to day routine, you monitor the situation in case it gets worse, but somehow, until/unless it gets worse, normal life has to keep happening.
She's like a constantly smouldering fire that's "contained", but not extinguished; when the wind blows the wrong way she flares up to "advice" or "watch and act" level... and every now and then, to "emergency warning". Getting the news that she had to leave the group home was the equivalent of "advice". It's now kind of "watch and act", but she's being professionally cared for, so hopefully there will be no grounds for progressing to "emergency warning".
