D.I.D....

@Smc

There may be opportunity at another time, but my very wise Dad always felt it useful for children to go to a funeral of someone they did not know so they learned what happens. When my siblings and I were quite young he asked if we would like to see someone who had died (which we did) and were voluntarily taken to a viewing of an unknown person who was laying there peacefully. At that time only my older siblings went to the actual funeral. I personally found it very helpful.

@Former-Member, I agree. Our older ones have attended funerals. But more to the point, I don't think we're going to be much use in supporting her if she finds it hard, and I think the main reason she wants to go is that she doesn't want to be away from us at the moment.

I'm expecting it to be a difficult day for reasons unconnected to our friend's death. Although we were reasonably close years ago, what with life moving on to different places and situations, we haven't had much contact with her for a long time. My sister was closer to her, and I think she's going to need our support tomorrow.

But the bit that I'm expecting to find hardest is the "reunion" aspect. When you meet up with people from your past, unsurprisingly, they tend to ask things like "What are you doing with yourself nowadays... You have a family? How old, what are they doing..." I'm expecting to be a bit tired and stressed from trying to give not-impolite semi-evasive answers that don't reveal more private info than we really want to pass on, but at the same time I don't want to disappear after the funeral and not meet up with anyone.

Part of the "big stuff happening" thing too is that when one person's "story" is too big, the other person/people get a bit reluctant to say what their life's been like. Best option is probably keeping our side brief and simple and finding a way to get them talking instead. Even that takes more conscious manangement than I want in a friendly conversation.

@Smc know it is often not appropriate/suitable.

Understand what you are saying in relation to people asking re: family. Like you say, they are usually happy to talk about themselves and that can take the pressure off.

I am hearing you @Smc .... and glad to hear you airing your thoughts and feelings here. I expect it is helping you to gear up for the day, beginning that process of organising your thoughts and feelings, and feeling as prepared as it’s possible to be for these things.

I expect you will manage well on the day, and it will be a bit tricky, and it will be exhausting, both physically and emotionally, as you expect.

Just wanted to let you know I am present and thinking of you ❤️

👋 @Former-Member

Thinking of you here also @Smc

Much thanks all. @Determined @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member .

We'll be leaving soon. May or may not be online tonight, probably not tomorrow.

And other news of today- we managed to get to Older Daughter's review meeting. She's in an improved state of mind so they're discharging her tomorrow. We pick her up on our way back home. Hopefully she's improved enough to be safe. She'll be looking into getting a short private admission in the near as possible future to try and work out some of what's going on. And the public MHS psychiatrist is willing and able to work with her GP and private psychiatrist, so that's a big plus.

Hi @Smc

Checking in to see how the last couple of days have gone.

Hi @Former-Member ... playing turtle at the moment.

Ummm, mixed? Cried some at the funeral, but it was one of those when you feel the like the person who's gone is more alive than they've ever been before. Had the pleasant surprise of finding out that the current minister at that church is a guy that I knew from all those years ago, whose church services and general attitude and demeanour were so enthusiastic and encourging that I went out of my way to get to at least some of them. And happy to say that hasn't changed. 🙂

Did end up doing some good and possibly helpful catchups over the nibbles aftewards. A few of us ended up over at the nearby shopping centre having lunch together. Didn't end up talking with more people than I could cope with, but enough of them that I didn't feel on the outer either. Glad my concerns there were unfounded.

Older Daughter had another somewhat rough landing. She's reluctantly agreed at discharge to steps to more actively keep harmful items at arms length, so last night's SH was minor... she still ended up at the hospital, but mostly to get help with the compulsive thoughts. She's got a self care plant from them that's in line with the MHU discharge plan, plus a few extra items. Including positive ones. Will see what happens.

Keeping you in thoughts @Smc