Ok, last night...
We got a phonecall from our daughter about 7.30 - 8-ish, saying she was at casualty after some really bad flashbacks, and could we pick her up when she was finished there. Agreed to, she said she'd ring us when they took her in for treatment, since it usually takes about half an hour, which is our travel time to get there.
Picked her up about 10, got more details. Flashback had been vivid and distressing, so she'd cut her wrist to bring herself back to reality. Five stitches worth. By the time we picked her up, she was tired and hungry but in a fairly chirpy mood, so we took her to buy some takeaway dinner and then drover her home, relieved that she was in a good enough state of mind that we wouldn't need to pull out the quick overnight bag we'd put together in case she needed us to spend the night at her place.
But the bit that's bugging me is how "normalised" this has become. Our main concern after she rang the first time was making sure we had dinner before she rang again for pickup. If I stop to think about it, it's weird that she can go so quickly from doing herself damage and being in danger, to being calm and collected enough that we're confident she's basically safe overnight. I know when she was little, she'd cry and scream over any small cut or bump, with the result being that if one of her siblings started crying, we'd immediately go to find out what was wrong; but if it was her, we'd take our time, because it was probably a pinprick or paper cut. This almost feels like the same thing, but it's kind of scaled up... a lot...
Maybe part of it is a self protective thing. I guess when medical emergencies happen too often, you can't psychologically survive getting into the "fight or flight" mode every time. Part of it is maybe a bit of "cry wolf" response. Dunno. Brain and heart are tired, and perhaps are tuning out. I don't really like that, but at the same time I'm not up to dealing with the full emotional brunt of it either. Bleah....
