Living with BPD, CPTSD, Post Partum Depression, and, Anxiety

So I'm starting this thread solely as an outlet for myself. I don't expect anyone to read it or comment, i just need a safe space I can share my thoughts without worrying too much about what others might think.

Anyway, I'll begin with what I've been diagnosed with.

When I was 20 I was diagnosed with Major Depression and Anxiety.

I was then mis-diagnosed at 21 with OCD.

As years went on, (I'm talking 10yrs +) I was finally diagnosed with CPTSD and BPD, which made a lot of sense. 1yr ago I had my 3rd child via emergency c-section, and I was diagnosed about 6 months ago with Post Partum Depression.

The last year has been the hardest yet. I had a complete medication change, which is helping.. I just feel myself slipping again. To the point where I lost control in public 2 days ago and I just feel so ashamed. I know that's my own guilt but the more I go over it in my head, the more I realise the contributing factors that led to my outburst. I just hate the guilt trip and downward spiral I'm on right now.

I was only diagnosed with BPD and CPTSD 2.5 years ago and I'll be honest, which I'm sure most of us have done.. But I read about it in the beginning and didn't continue to educate myself afterwards. Now I'm starting to look into BPD and CPTSD more, plus reach out to others. Everything is starting to make sense. It's overwhelming as I find myself looking back at things I've done and I'm guessing I've had BPD since I was about 15-16yrs old. (Back Story - I grew up in a DV environment and witnessed a lot of Alcohol abuse and violence.)

Its like, "oh, that's why i was always quick to lash out, or ended up in so many fights, or made poor choices."

Not saying its an excuse, but i guess it gives me a little clarity into why i struggle with controlling my emotions and am always quick to "Blow Up".