StanDSenior Contributor
W.I.S.E.R Emotional Intelligence
Hero everyone,
I kind of clicked on this link & thought Hey why not?
I hear myself frequently using this phrase 'You made me feel.'
Apparently this is not quite helpful, & can give power to another person over ones own emotions.
Disclaimer: I am not a psychologist, or professional. I cannot make any claims about the psychobabble being a good or bad suggestion.
The article clearly specifies that this is not relevant to People living in domestic violence
In brief:
Instead of saying, " you made me feel" or 'i feel' - say, ' I notice I feel'. This creates space between self & emotion.
W - Watch Pause, name it, identify trigger. A moment, or hours. Be curious.
- What was environment
- Who
- Was anything Unusual
- What could have have been missed that was important
I - Interpret
- what assumptions were made?
- Other factors i.e earlier exhaustion
- Many situations are ambiguous
- It's easy to make hasty conclusions
S - Select
- What course of action is best to take to achieve desired outcome
- If exhausting eg. take time to self, slow down
E - Engage
- basically put above mentioned plan into action
- I.e Schedule rest breaks
"The key is to SLOW DOWN.
- Instead of having automatic response - Be Purposeful, in a way that aligns with SELF beliefs, morals, & what one is SEEKING to ACHIEVE"
I.e not getting negative emotions, rage, vengeful, less than. But feeling calm, in control, fulfilled.
R - Reflect
This is important opportunity to understand how plan worked, (if at all!)
Identify what did work. What didn't? Needs to be improved?
Did response from others change?
Are ones own emotions in line with how I hoped they would be?
Ok, that is all for now.
I actually tried this, & was going to post my W.I.S.E.R. I think it's too much too read in one go, & to write.
It did actually work! I can see things differently. I feel way more in power than I did 39 mins ago.
I might post it in comments later.
