Marriage where both people suffer from mental illness

I'm not coping at all. We seem to be fighting more and more. My husband calls me selfish, mean and uncaring. Am I? I'm struggling to control my emotions and cry every single day. Usually caused by us fighting or considering divorce. Today my husband said he's going to start (another) business once he quits his job in two weeks, and he'll be staying home for maybe 3 months trying to make it work before looking for another job again. I'm certain he has ADHD but won't get assessed. He's only been at this job for maybe 4 months and he had 5 months off before that. I know he gets depressed at every job he starts, and I know I can't really talk because I haven't worked for a long time due to my anxiety, but I also take care of everything around the house including getting his clothes and food ready, and picking up the slack when he's too lazy to put things away or clean up after himself. Now that I've been accepted for a full time job starting soon, I'm so scared I won't be able to keep up the house. He says he will help out but I know he doesn't care about mess and will get lazy. I also have OCD and have particular things I feel I need to get done around the house to feel calm. In the past our homes have got completely out of hand and dirty because I got depressed and couldn't cope and my husband has never cared about living surrounded by mess. Now that I've gotten myself into a routine with cleaning, I want to maintain it. This job is a big deal for me, but so is living in a clean home, and I suffer from fatigue a lot from the mental exhaustion so I don't know if I'll cope. I admit I did get upset when he told me he was going to stay home for months and he felt like he 'deserved it ' and I probably shouldn't have said the things I did, but I think he shouldn't quit or at least get some part time work while working on a business. He thinks I always crush his dreams and I'm selfish and that he's never told me to get a job. He thinks I have my priorities all wrong. We've basically always been financially unstable but he wouldn't agree because if we have just enough money to pay bills and rent, we're fine. We have been fighting every day for so long and I just don't know what to do. I'm physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted. I hate to say it but he causes me so much anxiety, but I don't know if it's just me. He also says that I'm extremely controlling. I don't mean to be, and I know it's my anxiety that leads to me trying to control situations. I'm struggling to cope with this and I just don't know what to do.