How do I continue - or do I just give up?

Hey @Bloss ,

I'm hearing you. I have BPD and some of what you described are things I found myself doing not matter how much I didn't want to do it.

I'm sorry the blame has been placed on you.

When you daughter is well, have you been able to chat to her about how you are feeling? For example, for me, when I'm heightened or triggered, if anyone tries reasoning with me or asking me to look at someone else's perspective, I'd get even more triggered and lash out.

I find that when I'm cool, calm and collected, only then can I actually take something in.

I was very angry at my sister last week and I said some terribly terribly horrible things. I just kept going and going for her. Only the day after, when I was cool, was I able to really say sorry.

I wonder this is similar for your daughter? It sounds like she needs all the support she can get right now, and so you do - because you deserve it. At no point should you take abuse.

Thanks for your reply and insight @tyme Yes, I believe my daughter does much the same - she verbally lashes out at either her husband or me. Her awareness may come later but seldom results in her taking any responsibility for what she has said. More recently she tends to take time to build a case around why she is in the right and others are at fault.

Example: I had a day procedure a month or two ago and she picked me up from hospital whilst I was still under the effect of the anaesthestic. Dear Daughter used the opportunity to lecture me on how I was narcissistic for failing to continue a conversation with her husband via text when he swore at me and told me to get my daughter to sort herself out in an incident a week or so before. I was expected to apologise.

If I cross my arms I'm told I'm being judgmental when really I'm comforting/defending myself.

My head is constantly spinning and I just don't know what to say anymore.

Tonight I decided to let her sleep on it, maybe talk to her husband and then I will invite her to have a chat tomorrow to prepare for my minding her children the next day.

Thanks @tyme and @Jasper_123 for your support. I'm pleased to say that since my original post I have spoken with my daughter and clarified my boundaries, what is acceptable behavior from her towards me and what is not, I've had to stand by my boundaries and show her the consequence of her disrespect.

Our conversations have, since then been more respectful and I'm hoping that this will continue.

That is such amazing news @Bloss !

However, be prepared that things may go haywire a little, but once again, have that conversation again at a time when both are relaxed.

You are doing so well.

I look forward to hearing how things go for you in the future. Please continue to reach out if you have any questions.

Well done @Bloss !!