Tonight

So a close friend offered that we catch up at her tonight just to have a drink., pizza and watch some tv. After a big week I thought it would be a good idea and a chance to spend some low key time with someone after a thought MH week.

it turned out she invited two other friends and I got lost in the conversations - they spent a lot of time talking about themselves and they had already been drinking. Anyway, it happens. It did rough a nerve for me because in social situations I can feel excluded and tonight I really wasn’t in that social headspace anyway.

the conversations did make me feel like part of me thinks I have failed in life - like I’m a failure. I’m not saying that’s how I completely see myself but it made me realise that there is a part of me that feels like this deeply. Recognising that I guess means it’s a part of me that needs to have a voice and be heard and to have compassion. Obvs it’s not a great feeling to have (and I’m sure at some level many people do), but there’s also something positive in realising that these’s this feeling of failure inside of me that could be driving other thoughts etc