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Hi @Former-Member,

It can be tricky to find the right balance when making new friends particularly for people who are introverted, and enjoy their own company. I am pretty introverted, and often find large social situations very draining. And small idle chit-chat is something that I'd rather avoid as I'd prefer deep one on ones. All this can add up to making it hard to form new meaningful friendships. You might the book 'Quiet' by Susain Cain an interesting read.

The issues you raised about feeling hestitant to open up about your family history I think is a pretty normal response. Many people who have experienced child abuse fear how others will react if they will share this with others @Rick @kristin @kenny66 can you relate to this?

My thoughts on making new friends and opening up to new people is that it takes time to know if you feel comfortable sharing parts of yourself with individual people. Take some time to develop trust. Some friends I've been able to share with straight away, while there are others having taken more time. And then, there's just some things about myself that I'd like to keep private with certain people. I'm not sure that I need to reveal everything about myself to all my friends, and I think that ok too.

Either way, I think if you do choose to open up, true friends won't judge you for your past, but will aknowledge how it formed the wonderful person you are today.

Does anyone else have any thought on this?

With the group of people I mix with, and anyone else for that matter, I tell them about my schizophrenia, which can be sometimes obvious anyway. I try to be as matter of fact about my MI as possible. I have never really had an issue about that from anyone much-maybe just a couple of people.

On the other hand whenever I have told anyone that I was a victim of childhood physical and sexual abuse, most are put off by this, some are embarrassed and I guess some find it very confronting.

I have never ever spoken to anyone about the details of this, not really because I am afraid of how they might react but rather how traumatic it is for me to even think about.

Even with my F/M who is very understanding and can relate to me because of his own schizophrenia, I cannot talk to him about this no matter how hard I try.

I don't think there is any imperative to let anyone know about what happened to you. I often feel that it is better that this is kept locked away so I don't have to confront it. I don't believe any friend or any other person you meet for that matter expects to have all of the details about your life and neither should they expect it.

I am not worried that people would judge me if they knew about this. Rather the biggest issue for me is judging myself harshly in the context of enabling the circumstances that allowed it to happen.

I really would need to be confident that I have dealt with all of these complex issues myself and managed them internally before I would be willing to talk to someone else about it.

Until I get that that stage I wont be letting anyone else know about it. I firmly believe that any unravelling of the memories of CSA and the discussion about it should be part of the healing process. If it doesnt accomplish that, what is the point. So I guess I am saying is just reveal as little or much as you are comfortable with without believing that there is any great obligation for you to reveal all.

kenny

@Former-Member

@CherryBomb

Hi Seuss,

I appreciate the trigger warning. As I'm already a bit of a mess today and triggered like a bastard I thought I'd read your post regardless.

I made similar decisions re family.

The family I grew up with is gone. I cut them off long ago.

Their was only one abuser but the rest were enablers and just could'nt tell the truth. Wouldn/t tell I guess.

I never thought I'd have kids. I did'nt want any.

But I do. I love my lil girl. I've never harmed her though she has been slightly damaged by having a mentally ill father. Treatnment resistance is a bitch. And divorce adds to it. But That;s not what I wanted to add.

I have 3 friends. when I was performing I had many acquaintances. But no friends. even the band it is mutual respect rather than the love friends have for one another.

My 3 friends though I've known for 20 and 30 years respectively. With my best friend I have been adopted by his lovely wife and am God father to both kids.

I don't understand why but these people have stood beside me and cared for me when I was not able. They have a roster between to check on me when I drop out and the put up withme.

It amazes and frightens me. In my heart I do not deserve them. But I love them.

I don't feel the need for anyone else.

I'm not social. i don't go out. I don't pick up women/ And I think it is because I do not wish to inflict myself on any one else.

This is a protective thing from for of abandonment. And probably a negative.

I admire your honest and it's a good question.

No answer tho I'm afraid. But I understand the experience

If none o this makes sense it's because I'm a bit acute rtight now and probablly should have said nothing

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Aww @Former-Member, that sounds like quite a lot stressful things to do deal with at the one time.

Two important areas within of your life - shelter and transport - that affect how you live on a day to day basis have gone awry at the moment so it's not wonder you're feeling stressed.

When I feel stressed I find getting back to basics can be pretty helpful - sustenance (eating), sleeping, sport, and support. It won't make your life stressors disappear, but it can improve your resilience. Getting unwell from tiring yourself out can further add to your stress and impact on your well being, so staying as well as you can help to prevent this.

Glad you're posting on here so that you're not carrying the load all on your own. I'm sending you a shoulder to lean on/cry on.

Cyber hugs (if you accept them).

CherryBomb

Hi Seuss,

Please do not under estimate the importance of what you have done re asbestos - I know it is a bugger of a thing to do something about but by making the decision demonstrates a high level of responsibility to community, friends and self. Sandy has provided a couple of great suggestiosn on where you might get some direction of who to use. Like Sandy I think local councils can provide information.

You have also demonstrated one of your identifed strenghts ......... "I'm good at completing practical tasks like this, I push through my terrors tenaciously and get things done" - I see reason to celebrate what you have done while still acknowledging you have still have some potentiall tough steps to "push through" - you have already demonstrated your ability to push through " it is just all too hard" ... feel the rest of us supporting you as you take yet another deep breath & push through to the decision making, being assertive and in control. i see evidence of your problem solving ability and strategic thinking - let your assertive, problem solving self tell your stressed self they are not needed at the moment, invite the stressed self to take a comfortable seat and cheer for and acknowledge your assertive self. What might your assertive self say to your stressed self to encourage the stressed self to sit in the side lines in that comfortable chair for a while?

Add my enlistment for the new cheer squad, I can see by the other posts you have others on the team - I am not good at twerling sticks, or pom pom but I am told I have a very loud voice & can make lots of noise.

Take care & feel the strength to take the steps you have already identified being confident you are on the right track & that you have used these sills and abilities before

Crystal