JakeSenior Contributor
Lonliness
Hi,
By way of introduction my name is 'Jake' and I am a male around 58 years old, divorced, live alone in a small country town and have been diagnosed with both BPD and DID. Pretty heavy labels to carry around, they could well have been PTSD or Anxiety Disorder, but they were the ones given to me at the time of my diagnosis.
Without wanting to 'blame my parents' this is all due to me being a survivor of emotional neglect as a young child, living with an alcoholic father and schizophrenic mother, who 'got rid of' me when I was 4 y/o as I was 'in the way'. All this combined with later childhood incestuous sexual abuse from a step father who turned out to be a pedophile, so when mum 'asked me to leave' at 16, I obliged.
I make it a rule never to disclose my diagnoses though, due to the general public's perceived (real or imagined) lack of understanding of mental health issues. This forum will be an interesting experiment for me to be able to connect on a real level, instead of the shallow level that most of society operates on. In my experience, not many people can handle the truth - especially if it is about their own behaviour towards others. People (the ones who think they don't have any problems) seem to look at faults in others, but never themselves. I think they call it 'mirroring' in psychology circles.
I think the fear of this subject in general in people's minds is due to the ill formed perception that someone with a clinically diagnosed mental illness is somehow more of a 'threat' than someone without a diagnosed mental illness. The problem with that line of thinking (as I see it) is that there would be members of the public that actually have a mental illness, but have not had a formal clinical diagnosis (yet - if ever).
My biggest struggle is with loneliness. I mean the sort of loneliness where no-one wants to have anything to do with me, no phone calls, no invitations, no 'how are you going today' - nothing. I think fitting into a society of married couples (or rather people with partners) is one of my biggest struggles. Rhetorically speaking - what has a single divorced male (or female for those ladies who find themself in the same position) got to offer any couples out there? - there needs are already being met by each other and other friends who are 'couples'.
Anecdotal evidence from my experience suggests that my married friends stopped inviting me to social events after my divorce (BTW which was 20 years ago - so I am not just 'having a whinge'!) but still invite all of their married friends - never figured that one out!
Better stop now - otherwise this post will become too protracted!
Thanks for reading,
Kind regards - 'Jake'
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