Anger in a relationship

this is going to be my rant. Please feel free to be a friend at this time because it would be really useful to me or any advise :).

tonight was shit night!!!!

I am extremely disappointed.
it all started when my boyfriend woke me up from my sleep, I was cranky because it was over a phone call, I just would have liked some consideration.
Whatever

next.

we were looking for something we lost in two different rooms in the house and I found something in his bag and asked what it was,

he said replied then said it would have been nice if you asked to go through my bag * THE BAG HAS MY STUFF INSIDE EVEN THO IT IS HIS BAG *

I said what how does that make sense?

he said that is one of my boundaries just ask me ( it is one and I sadly forgot, I also didn’t know it would comply when it’s my stuff in the bag rather then me going through his )

I told him to get over it and whatever, I did my apologies but nothing felt good enough and I was getting frustrated

( I lash out and have anger issues FYI)

we have been going back and forth every week for a long time with my issues because I lash out,

tonight I said to him multiple times what is your problem? And I didn’t get much about it he said he didn’t want to talk about it, which put me in a panic because I over think LOTS!

I said to him you are never there when I need you most

he took it the wrong way but I mean

every time I lash out

because usually by that time he is already annoyed angry or doing his own thing to make himself ok again.

tonight he stepped outside and was messaging saying he doesn’t feel safe with me and he doesn’t want to come back inside.
this absolutely broke me into pieces, no one wants to hear, or think that about someone they love.

I explained that I love him so much and I know he wouldn’t understand but it’s very hard for me to show it, I said I’m sorry many times, I said that I care for him and he is safe and that I’m sorry he can’t see it right now.

I felt worthless, and I still do, I just feel yuck!

he said that he doesn’t want to do this anymore and I couldn’t agree more ( no more lashing out arguments)

he said show me you want this, otherwise I can’t do this all the time anymore

he said it feels like I use him as a rag doll and a punching bag

( F*ing heart breaking)

I was speechless for words. I cried for a good enough or more.

im not trying to make this about me but I said I will do anything it takes at all to make this right and ok.

I have messaged my therapist because we don’t work on that so I said if you offer anger management fit me in ASAP.

ugh.