Its all falling Apart. Please Help!

You're obviously a decent guy who cares about this human being and for that you are to be commended.

As others have mentioned we don't know her side of the story or what her motivations are. However, it sounds like things are getting really messy and you need to take steps to protect yourself (emotionally, financially - whatever). It sounds like she really needs professional help, but you're not her parent and you may not be someone she is going to listen to right now anyway. Unfortunately, that is her choice to make.

I know you said you didn't want to get lawyers involved in this, but I think at the very least you need some professional advice or this could go really pear-shaped for you. She may not thank you for being a good guy,but she will probably take advantage of this.

I'm thinking of you and hoping things turn the corner for you soon.

Thanks for all your thoughts and comments guys. I know you guys are right about taling i legal action, but ill only be doing that as a last resort. In the mean time im just gathering evidence.

Her side of the story (that shes told me anyway) is that all the little things are unbearable. Stupid things like the toilet seat being left up 50% of the time, my smelly work socks, finger marks on the wall (that arent even from me), clothes coming out the washer in side out, dust on my windows sil. All things that seem totally ridiculous to me (and often not even my fault) completely drive her insane. Her mental illness seems to amplify these feeling.

She had nothing when we met, her posessions fit in 2 bags and she was being taken advantage of by her housemates and "friends". I was already doing well.

In the past 8 years ive taken her in, educated her, taught her how to manage money, bought her cars and got her license, taught her how to deal with people and problems and invested hundreds of thousands of dollars in to our futureby buying properties. I set everything up for OUR future and she thinks those above issues are deal breakers.

Either way shes lost my trust. I no longer feel safe in my own house. Home should be where I can come and not have to deal with other peoples dramas, but living with her has become 1 constant drama. Ive tried to help her, but I think all the abuse has finally taken its toll. Im kinda glad to leave so I can find myself again, but im not happy about the way its happening. Ill probably loose a lot of what ive worked towards over the past 8 years over this petty bullshit.

Well, today shes psychotic. She just attacked me and for the first time one of her blows connected. I saw red and shirtfronted her to the wall looked her in the eye and told her in no uncertain terms NEVER to do that again. I know she will tho...

Im now scratched and brused, ive taken photos of recorded her apology... and almost every conversation since. Shes absolutely out of control today, making wild accusations, being extremely paranoid and on the verge of exploding constantly. Im semi hiding up stairs, but the second I make a noise, she remembers im here and finds an excuse to abuse me.

I dont know if i can live like this for 4 months.

I think you are right ... home is where you shoulf feel safe ... take your time to figure your best through the minefield. It matters that you care and dont want to get completely vindictive .. I am starting to do legals .. NOW but it is different and about braoder issues ..but really if you can work it out yourself .. you will save yourself money and de-escalate an already explosive situation. Not easy .. but I believe in the right of a dude working his butt off .. having a place to hang his hat.

Hi @NotSoCrayCray

I just read your whole thread now. I acknowledge what others are saying in regards to not knowing your partners side of this story but no one should put up with being subjected to violence or abuse regardless of the reason. Ofcourse no one could live like that for 4 months, for any length of time.

I think I read in one of your posts that your place of permanent residence is in your partners name? Is that why you can't leave until 4 months time?

My daughter suffers bi-polar and myself and partner have been the victims of unprovoked violence by her in the past. She knows that if she does it again or damages property we won't hestitate in calling and involving the police and she will have to leave. This has stopped her physical abuse towards us (but not the verbal).

Mental illness or not DV should never be tolerated as it is not only putting the victims safety at risk but also empowers the violent behaviour of the offender, we learnt that the hard way. And things can get serious if provocation escalates to self defence. MI is not an excuse for violence.

As everyone has wisely stated here you need to look after yourself. When violence is occurring you need to move away from that otherwise tragedy could strike. Please seek assistance and protect yourself, even if that means staying with your family or a friend for awhile. Hoping things have settled for but if not please heed this advice.

I am always sad to hear about gender warfare and relationship breakdown.

there are so many little things and intimate moments and hours and months and years of our lives at stake.

I have been pushed out of houses and groups by those whom I have cared for too, just becasue they could get away with it. I have also felt afraid to go into my kitchen and do the jobs I was supposed to do. It is not fair or just. The situations can emerge and change slowly, but I had to face it and leave.

Whether "to leave" or "to stay" can be torturous as we yo yo between the positions. We cannot offfer practical support on the forum. DV can also come from women. Where are the lines to be drawn? it is hard when battle zones are in the home.

Take care

Im having a really hard time today. Ive tried calling all the help lines and theres not1 answering. I feel helpless I dont know what to do, who do I call ect..

I really need someone to talk to who knows about this kind of stuff who do i call??

Hi @NotSoCrayCray

I'm so sorry you are having an awful day 😞 It is best to call the helplines as we are not a crisis service here. Keep trying Lifeline 13 11 14 or Suicide Callback 1300 659 467.

What have you done in these situations before?

Zahlia