Living with Schizoaffective Disorder

I hear you.

"I notice that the government and media are deamonising people with a mental illness. It would be great if they could get to know the real issues facing people with severe mental illness"

So much this.

Wow, @Indiaa, that was a confronting read.

I relate so much to a lot of this. Except maybe flip work for studies. I struggled to maintain my studies unsupported, but have managed working. Though admittedly a lot of learning to work was me off travelling in my 20's, moving from city to city and job to job.
I wonder if you know what is so hard about staying in one place, working, for you? I ask because I feel this so true for me (although the last 7 years have been much better, having my now husband guilt me into turning up lol. He has such a strong work ethic!). But I can never really understand why working one place is so hard.

In an ideal world, what would your work environment and schedule be? What would be manageable?

Welcome to the forums :). X

Hi All, I am 28, diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder in 2007, I had to drop my engineering course because of it. I was admitted in mental hospital for 20 days. I had mood swings, delusions, and auditory hallucinations. Docs recommended ECT, took it for around 5-6 times. Docs previously prescribed anti-psychotic medication but later changed to another antipsychotic drug. After quitting engineering course, I joined university for degree in chemistry, Botany and Zoology, initially I had lot of problem in concentrating in class and also reading for exams. Although I scored less, managed to pass in first year. Later I developed concentration and managed to secure a degree in first class. In college life, although I didn't revel about my mental illness except few close friends. I remember pupils making fun of me when I was washing hands repeatedly with soap for 10 mins, and checking whether I have secured the lock properly of my bike repeatedly. I realised I may have OCD. But didn't go meet my psychiatrist for that. I was regularly visiting my psychiatrist every six months. Although I haven't had repeated episode later on, but my first episode was worst, I was very violent, not trusting anyone, had lot of delusions. Delusions were about anti-feminism, which I read a lot in a forum, and hearing voices, like some divine god, telling me to trust the person or not, or he/she is good or bad. Now, after treatment, I feel amused by those thoughts which I got when I was sick. After completing my degree, I joined Masters ii n Zoology and also completed it in first class. I was happy that I could achieve this even though psychiatrist told once, that, I couldn't able to complete even a degree with a mental illness like this! Later on I challenged my self to complete an Eligibility exam for Assistant professor, and completed it with good rank of 203 in the state out of 80,000 aspirants. I feel hopeless, worthlessness and suicidal sometimes. My mind goes back to delusion, if i don't give work to it. So I always keep myself occupied with reading, writing or watching documentaries & movies. Also i took weekend classes for Spanish language for 3 years to keep myself busy and keep my mind occupied during weekends and I secured a degree in that as well, i did it while doing my Masters' degree. Sometimes I get depression, and once it became severe and I was thinking of suicide every time. Docs prescribed an antidepressant. I just took it for few days, after that I became OK. Later my father got ill and he passed away. I got very much depressed when I remember him. I managed suicidal thoughts, whenever I got it, I used to write it, after writing it, there was an outlet to my feelings, then I read, whatever I had written, which makes me to introspect it, and I feel I am too silly to think about suicid, when there no as such big issue. My gf also left me, after knowing I have mental illness and I get angry too soon. My one problem is, I am finding it too difficult to get a job, even though I got a job as Lecturer, I quit it within 10 days, even though it was a long awaited job. I live in India, here jobs are very difficult to get. Even though I managed one, I soon quit it. I also wrote articles, poems, sketched my ex's face and my articles got published as well. Now, I have got 4 publications. I am planning to move out of my current city.But I will take it as a challenge again to secure a good job:).Also I can make friends quickly & make them laugh. Also I am practising Boxing from past 9 years, trained under an Olympian coach. This is my story!

Hi @Indiaa, welcome to the forums. Thank you for giving us a glimpse into your life and experience of mental illness. You've achieved a great deal. I started to lose count of the degrees! You certainly disproved the Psychiatrist's prediction.

I hope that the move brings you the work you seek. You deserve it after working so hard academically. It sounds like it might be important to find work with the right level of challenge. Sometimes when we have to also work at maintaining our health, we need to choose work that is below our level of ability at first. This can be temporary while we increase our capacity to cope or it might be a choice we make for longer. It could help avoid a repeat of what happened with the lecturing role.

Just something to think about 🙂

Hi sehnsucht & Suzanne, thanks for kind words! Sehnsucht and suzanne, I feel that, the employer was exploiting me, if he gives me extra hours to take class, then I recall the labour rights and international laws, that our maximum working hours shouldn't be more then 8 hours in days. I relate whether they(Institute) is following national laws properly or not. If they are breaking any laws, then I write the complaint to the authority or government. Of course I cannot make them to change their(employer) attitude to follow laws strictly. Therefore, I find it better to resign then working for them. I feel, as a responsible educated citizen, I should always fight for justice. This happened with two Lecturer jobs I got. Another thing, which is a fault on my side, is I don't keep up timings, I would be little late for work sometimes. I should correct it. And in India, they hardly follow any constitutional laws, I have seen, my friends, working 18 hours a day without complaining. I know they are not aware that, they are being exploited. I have glanced Indian constitution, where it say, any Lecturer or Assistant professor, should be given maximum of 5 hours of teaching and not more than that. That law has been well thought and written, because, when we take a class, we need to prepare the topic, and deliver the lecture. That preparation takes time, especially for lecturing, for that we need prepare the topic with updated information. And institutes should understand it or follow the law. It is for the future of students.

My whole life since 19 years old I've had to justify my own thinking to myself not knowing what was wrong with me now later years of understanding the symptoms are not attributing my soul to it so to speak I am a person within this illness and it is hard to beat

Oh wow nice to find you all...

I am diagnosed schizoaffective with anxiety and OCD. I sometimes rapid cycle. I have had countless admissions but not for awhile ...... Trying to stay out the psych ward!

I'm considered high functioning.... I have worked and am now working full time in a leadership role.... I'm finding FT work very difficult to manage and cope with.

I think of schizoaffective as being on the "schizophrenia spectrum"..... No one at my work knows about my struggles.

I have learnt to just live w much and many of my symptoms.... Even on a &^*#load of medication it never truly goes away