Living with Schizoaffective Disorder

Hi Kenny66. That was a great read, so thank you for sharing your story. I found it very interesting that you mention creativity is a part of your own mental health experience. I was wondering how you go about expressing this?

Cheers

Harry

Hi Harry

Well I will start out by saying that I was mentally ill, probably from very early on, maybe about 12 or so. I was certainly hallucinating very early on and had behavioural problems which was a sort of dissociative personality disorder. Even at this age I was writing abstract prose and poetry. I hallucinated frequently and wrote contiunually while they were happening. So I was turning in poetry and essays at school written during these phases which were constantly winning prizes. I came from a very poor background where none of these things were valued or recognised so most achievements dissappeared into the abyss. At 18 I won the country prize for creative writing. Its difficult to explain but I could always take on a state where I could submerge myself into a subject and write about it from a particularly novel aspect. In my working life I was always in positions requiring people skills. I worked in public relations for a long time.Most of my success in the public relations area I put down to delusions, not quite of grandeur, but a enhanced confidence and invincibility brought about by the delusional stage of schizophrenia. Every time I slipped out of this delusional stage, which could last for years, I crashed and burned. My creativity is I believe absolutely attributable to my illness as when I am heavily medicated, it just dissappears. Every aspect of my life is multidimensional, moving beween manic projects and hallucinogenic states, creative projects, poetry, writing and prodigeous reading, usually of obsure texts. Its all interconnected to my Shizophrenia. Whilst it sounds complicated and complex, living with it on a daily basis is interesting, not depressing. It sort of colours my personality and to a great extent makes me who I am.

Thank you for sharing your story. I can relate to living with Schizoaffective disorder and the way that creativity is intertwined into it, for me as well. It can be harder with some medications to tap into that creative place, but you have to make sure that you don't cross that line that is unhealthy for you mentally and risk stopping any medication.

Hi Moon

I am usuually very compliant with my medication, mainly because my flatmate makes me take it when I should. I have had periods of manic behaviour when I dont want to take it to bring myself down from the high I am enjoying but i can mostly resist this. Medication is a whole new topic by itself, the way we modify our routine around it and how it can become a focus of our life. Fortunately I have no real issues with my medication,which are at high doses, but my side effects are moderate so Im happy to keep taking them. I find taking 2 antiphsychotics hard sometimes but live with it.

One of the irritating things about the diagnosis of Schizaffective Disorder is the fact that most people don't know what it is.

I think of it as a where bipolar meets schizophrenia mix, but explaining that to people often meets with confusion or ignorance.

I think part of the problem is that it is positioned by medicos sometimes as a very severe and rare form of schizophrenia, and not a disorder in its own right. Even my GP refers to it as "the bad schizophrenia".

It really is quite different to either schizophrenia or bipolar, as you know with its own very definite symptoms, but communicating that is hard.

I just usually use the shorthand diagnosis of schizophrenia to make it simple, which everyone seems to understand. Explaining Schizoaffective Disorder to everyone you mention it to becomes really frustrating.

If you go into the spell check on this site you will see, even there, that it doesnt give Schizoaffective Disorder as an opition. It does have Schizophrenia though.

Hi, I have also been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. I have had a mental illness of some sort since Oct. 2002. I have been admitted 7 times over the years.

I take 6 different medications a day (only one of them is not related to a mental illness). I can't find a job because I am too sedated, and thus I can't work fast enough. i have half a degree of a university course, but now my brain is too fried to continue that.

I also had ECT treatment in mid-2012. I have a feeling that that treatment made my brain reset itself, and it also stuffed my memory up.

I just guess I will have to plod along and be doped out everyday, look for work that isn't suited for me, and get depressed at night times.

Thats my story lol

Also, my mum told me yesterday that I shouldn't talk to her about my mental illness problems anymore. As well as that, theres probably half of my family telling me how to lose weight.

I am sick of it all, and I am not afraid to talk about my mental illness. I just guess I will never be able to go overseas for more than a month (not that im going overseas anytime soon tho lol).

Finally, if I did work fulltime and lose my pension, I wouldnt be able to afford my medication. I dont even see what the point of working is...stupid crap