trying to hold on

Hi @-Rayne-

It sounds like you are really struggling at the moment and it's important to speak with someone about whats going on. I've sent you an email to check in with you further. Do you have someone you can speak to right now about whats going on?

If not, we know some really helpful services. Unfortunately we are not a crisis service, but some places you can call now for support are;

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467

If in immediate danger: 000

Zahlia

Hey @-Rayne-,

What can keep you grounded now? Is there a work task you can think about or work on to you bring you back to familiar safe things. Is there a way to connect you to work? I know this is so very hard, you have done well to get here. A day at a time. Are you able to stay safe at the moment?

@-Rayne-

sorry that it does not feel safe with your parents. You do have the right to feel safe and its the best way to be able to be balanced when dealing with our own children.

Thinking of you.

Briar

I agree that you need to call lifeline or remove yourself from that situation as it has obviously triggered memories,which were traumatic,and/or its a stressful environment.I live with my elderly mother who at times is very difficult,and is a stressor for me with anxiety and depression.I go to those dark places,but sounds like you are at the point of crisis,which is when I experience severe anxiety,and you feel like you have no control of your life.This feeds my paranoia,and distorts your view of life.From my own experiences,do what you can to keep yourself safe,whether it is taking your medication,a everyday calmative,or walk into a hospital if you have to.If you can go ,go don't stay,do what you feel is the best for you, including going home.I know I only have to get stressed,or tired.I can't deal with certain family ,I have to avoid them because of the "chaos"I have in my head due to past traumatic experiences.I empathise.

thanks you all. i'm trying to work a bit. that's a good idea @Former-Member. I'm lucky that I can work from anywhere and all the time so yes that's a good thing for me to do. I might try to do it more, more often. It's hard but trying will help I think.

My daughter talked to me today in a voice that wasn't hers. Maybe she is unreal too.

I'm sorry if I worried people. I still am trying to keep connected to the now. I've not given up on being okay.

Also I can't come online here much because I have no privacy here. I can do things that I shouldn't - they never notice those things but they look at my computer and whatever else and we cannot do safe things like we cannot meditate here, only if we go out, which is our good way for keeping in touch and hearing what is going on with us all but we can't do that here because it' snot safe we have to keep watch all the time and even then it's not because nobody here is really safe that's al.

Hello @-Rayne-

I can relate to 'the dark place'

The only advice i can give is meditate on 'patience, I'll contemplate patience, and in an hour or two, things will get better, and the suffering will get better, and I'll feel better in an hour or two, and in an hour or two the darkness won't be so comsuming, and things will get better'

I hope the experience of the darkness gets better for you

'I had time away from 'whoever's pulling the strings''

'Yes for me the internet itself'

'Yes for me the radio'

'The world is a dark place'

'I hope the experince of the darkness gets better for you'

@Happynessi do not no if the dark is really bad or if it is safe becos e maybe nobody can see you there . do you think maybe it is better there?

'I monitor my own internet use'

'I monitor when i listen to the radio'

'For me the television is the safest at the moment

But i still monitor when i watch the television'

'It's just that i have heightened senses and sometimes i get sick'

'Just day by day at the moment'