Struggling to trust again after some more recent trauma

@Oaktree i didn't tag you 🫣🤭 in tbe above reply

@Hopefulsoul

Thanks for letting me know of your reply. You can go to your original post and click options at the top, then edit and add the tag.

I am glad to hear that you now have an attentive and compassionate partner. My childhood is something I don’t talk to my hubby about. He knows it was traumatic but he doesn’t know details. Sorry that you have been through it but I am glad that there is someone out there that understands that I can talk to. It helps to know that I am not alone!

Meggle

Have you worked with someone on this trauma you have experienced and talked about how it's affecting you?

I struggle with going out with people so I always make sure I let them know what time I have to leave by. That make the outing more manageable. I find that having an 'end time' helps me enjoy my time more then.

So maybe there are ways to work through some of what you are experiencing right now.

Good on you for reaching out. It sounds like you sure have a lot of insight into what's happening for you. And now it's about stepping out to make some changes.

@Hopefulsoul @Oaktree @tyme @Former-Member

I find myself jealous of people with a secure brain when things go bad and the nice upbringing and "normal" history and the way they deal with life challenges would be much easier for them."

Just want to unpick this sentence:

I was in a dv support group and the facilitator said 15% of the australian population was born in a loving family. 85% of the aus population was raised in an abusive family. Bandy X Lee a forensic psychiatrist, public health expert and expert on violence said family is the 3rd most violent social setting apart from the military and police. We are not the exception we are the rule.

As for a secure brain when things go bad....yes you need a loving upbringing to be emotionally regulated (which clearly not many people have) and some can keep calm in a crisis. But the damage is reversible and for a lot of people it can be learned. You need to do the work. Go to my profile, I try to curate a resource for people to learn. Go to The Toolshed and you can get info there. Hopefully you will get answers and stop beating yourself up. It starts with awareness.

but have gone back in my shell from a recent experience." - that is okay, there is nothing wrong with that, take a breather, rest, recharge. Rest is normal. Our ancestors enjoyed more leisure time than us. Burn out is something we suffer in modern times Blue sky thinking: is it time to stop work taking over our lives? | Work-life balance | The Guardian

It is ok to take a step back from connection, work, abusive relationships - whatever it is that is burning you out. It shows you have boundaries -that is a good thing. We cannot live without them.

Yes! @scruffypuffball ! Boundaries!!!!

In the past, I really struggled with the idea of those who are "normal". I thought I must be abnormal... but now, it seems instead ask, "What is normal?" @Hopefulsoul @scruffypuffball @Oaktree @Former-Member

What does a normal brain do that an abnormal brain doesn't. Does the normality of your brain change throughout your life? I've got so many questions! The brain is such an awesome thing to study. I'm a firm believer in the neuroplasticity of the brain.